Jonathan Harnisch Podcast

24
Jan

Abnormal Psychology, Northwest Missouri State University | Jonathan Harnisch (Alibiography Author) Guest Speaker

Class Agenda:
• When should someone seek assistance?
• What is a diagnosis?
• When do we diagnose?
• How come Thomas Szasz, (Psychiatrist; 1920-2012) says society creates abnormality?
• (Ironically, while Szasz's political position (that people should not be locked up just for being different) prevailed, many in the psychological and psychiatric professions rejected his theoretical position (that there is no such thing as mental illness). For example, Kety (1974), responding to Szasz's statement that mental illness is a myth, collected all the evidence for genetic influences on schizophrenia. He concluded, "If schizophrenia is a myth, it is a myth with a strong genetic component" (p.961, “The Myth of Mental Illness: Foundations of a Theory of Personal Conduct,” 1961.)
• What are some of the historical treatments of mental illness?
• Who have been some of the first early names for writing treatments?
Guest Speaker: Jonathan Harnisch, Author of Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography 2014), Second Alibi: The Banality of Life (2014), Sex, Drugs, and Schizophrenia (2014), and Lover in the Nobody (2014); Film Producer and Screenwriter of On the Bus, all of which are studied in the genre of mental illness and schizophrenia, in particular, based on Harnisch's personal experiences, and also being taught by Dr Edwards, PhD-MBA, at Northwest Missouri State University, in Maryville, MO.
Jonathan Harnisch Literature on Amazon: amazon.com/Jonathan-Harnisch/e/B00K9LI9E4
Northwest Missouri State University is a public institution that was founded in 1905. It has a total undergraduate enrollment of 5,542, its setting is rural, and the campus size is 370 acres. It utilizes a trimester-based academic calendar. Northwest Missouri State University's ranking in the 2015 edition of Best Colleges is Regional Universities (Midwest), 80. Its in-state tuition and fees are $8,156 (2014-15); out-of-state tuition and fees are $14,407 (2014-15). (Source: U.S. News & World Report.)
Thank you for taking the time and interest in mental health education and advocacy. More to come; it has been a true pleasure to be a guest with the 2 featured back-to-back classes; the first day of the trimester had not been recorded properly. This recording on January 20, 2015, is the second class day of the trimester; Abnormal Psych. Please spread the word for mental health awareness. Next up will include a Q&A with the author, Jonathan Harnisch, and material on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), definition, symptoms, and so forth.
Thank you,
— Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography
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24
Jan

An Affirmation of Life Clip on Facebook

"I use my experiences, good and bad to inspire and I will not stop... This is one sentence in this life story I'm writing and I'm not the editor and there are typos." 
-- Jonathan Harnisch, An Affirmation of Life
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24
Jan

Mental Health Email | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy For Schizophrenia

MENTAL HEALTH EMAIL FROM MY PERSPECTIVE TO MY COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPIST REGARDING SCHIZOPHRENIA, ETC.: I had fallen asleep by the time I received your text reply. I am not too clear on what I would want to discuss. Indeed the overall lack of control I have over my life/lifestyle, (i.e. my wife, etc.,) over every little thing. Not being allowed to close my blinds when I would like onto dispensing/often incorrectly dispensing what I ingest into my body (i.e. medication, drinks, etc.,). Evidently, complicated matters. Some I might need and some are helpful, perhaps it's my shame, rather my sense of self-worth takes a tumble. Aside from IPT (above) onto medical: My psychiatrist (I do feel I cannot work with her, she is unwilling to talk healing/medicine, just as my wife (and my father) will not discuss finances.) Further, if I had skin cancer on my back for months, I wonder why hasn't it been addressed. Meantime I have been relapsing (worries me) not necessarily just to get control back, but because I'm dispensed approximately two small drinks and then unlimited tap water, and I become thirsty since it is liquids in general not just water as the hospital said which needs restriction. I have been driving out to get energy drinks and sodas, for each early morning. I understand all of this is complicated and can bring me down to thinking my life is one massive delusion. Then I become my literature. Never the less, I have some ideas on Wall Street perhaps. Otherwise, I have been using my funds to promote my Facebook page and purchase for my wife mostly expensive presents, a couple of thousand dollars in the past week alone with budgeted things for me, some not. These are things I like to do. But at least, you have my notes here having thought about it some. Yesterday I indeed blocked my psychiatrist (and my wife) from contacting me (paranoia, control, etc.) Too often I just can't handle the interpersonal conflicts. Other things, too, but I would likely focus on the overall control issue at hand, perhaps it is something deeper going on than what lay on the surface, control. Been doing well since I woke up at midnight, alone, here. I wish it could be that way forever. Maybe we can set up something earlier by phone today, or I can just see you on Tuesday. I am here in general until early afternoon usually. There’s more, my inability to speak sensibly, my bouts of anger, which I try to suppress, even on Facebook, to others and myself defending oneself and not admitting when they might or might not be just wrong. Think everyone is both jealous of me, and need, and want and then take all they can get from me, emotionally and physically, and so forth. Does this help? Want to talk this morning or noon or so, if I can? Thank you.

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24
Jan

Jonathan Harnisch In Session Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) Part 2

Get an intimate inside look into a therapy session with a person diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) combines mindfulness and cognitive therapy. The main idea of this is that we tend to have thought patterns that make us upset. By habit, we typically let these patterns flow without thinking about their logic. We also tend to reflect on them as if they provide new information and are actually things to react to. MBCT is a way of identifying these patterns and learning to simply observe them without reacting them with the typical distress that usually accompanies them. Since a lot of my distress comes from very well defined patterns in thinking (e.g. My dad ripped me off) I thought MBCT could be very helpful for me and so far it has been.

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24
Jan

Jonathan Harnisch In Session Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) Part 1

Get an intimate inside look into a therapy session with a person diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) combines mindfulness and cognitive therapy. The main idea of this is that we tend to have thought patterns that make us upset. By habit, we typically let these patterns flow without thinking about their logic. We also tend to reflect on them as if they provide new information and are actually things to react to. MBCT is a way of identifying these patterns and learning to simply observe them without reacting them with the typical distress that usually accompanies them. Since a lot of my distress comes from very well defined patterns in thinking (e.g. My dad ripped me off) I thought MBCT could be very helpful for me and so far it has been.

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23
Jan

Inspiration for the Happy Heart

Inspiration for the Happy Heart | We're in this Together | Reconciliation With My Father And Family | Monday, January 18, 2016, 5:00 AM (MST)
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23
Jan

Manifesto on Mental Health

Manifesto on Mental Health (2013) Sequel to Being A Mentally ill Artist (2012) A Portrait of Mentally Ill Artist Jonathan Harnisch in December 2013

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23
Jan

Stay Positive. Stay Open. Stay Trusting. Stay Loving. No Matter What.

Jonathan Harnisch | Saturday, January 23, 2016

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23
Jan

Lover in the Nobody | Foreword Clarion Book Review

A mentally ill man wrestles with his fetishes and inner demons in a novel that goes to extremes. Jonathan Harnisch’s Lover in the Nobody is a cross between intense sadomasochistic erotica and a psychological memoir, complete with graphic torture scenes and a compendium of characters that may or may not inhabit the head of the protagonist. Not for the faint of heart, this is a take on sexual fulfillment and schizophrenia. Georgie Gust has Tourette’s syndrome and dissociative identity disorder, and is in the process of checking himself out of the mental health facility to which he self-committed. The depths of his depravity and the nature of his mental illness are explored through interactions with the three main people in his life—his chauffeur, his friend, and his lover. The line between reality and Georgie’s fantasies is often unclear. Georgie is a fascinating character with a varied and somewhat disturbing inner life. Erotic fetishism and violent fantasies give an odd structure to his random thoughts; the more he focuses on any particular fantasy, the clearer and less random his thinking becomes. When Georgie is with his therapist, his thoughts bounce between people he knows, and then he concludes, “They’re nothing in my world, Dr. C. In my world, they don’t even exist. That’s the beauty of it, you see.” Then, a few random thoughts later, his focus hones in on Dr. C’s breasts and feet, and his thinking becomes more sequential and orderly as he relates his fantasy: “She wants me, wants to seduce me. Tempting me like that. With her tits. Her feet.” The frenzy and disorder in Georgie’s brain are well represented in Harnisch’s writing style. Because the point of view shifts from Georgie to the chauffeur to a somewhat omniscient third-person narrator, with font changes marking interjections, it is sometimes difficult to grab on to what is real. Wobbly perspectives seem to emphasize the mentally unbalanced nature of Georgie’s life and sexual fantasies. The unpredictability and violence of his fantasies also clearly illustrates his continual internal struggles. Sadomasochistic scenes are detailed to the extreme. “I wish I could have the courage to abandon myself from all of my obsessions,” writes Georgie in his diary, very aptly summing up the totality of his experiences. Those who appreciate descriptive fetishistic erotica or have an interest in the motivations of the mentally ill stand to appreciate Georgie’s experiences, whether real or imagined.
-- Foreword Clarion Reviews
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22
Jan

Schizophrenia and Psychological Manipulation

The challenge one faces in understanding the nature of cognitive impairments in schizophrenia is that at least on the surface, individuals with this illness appear to have deficits in a diverse array of domains, such as working memory, language function, executive function, episodic memory, processing speed, attention, inhibition and sensory processing.

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20
Jan

Status Update | Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Wednesday, January 20, 2016: Status update: voice to text via mobile phone; please overlook typos and syntax: Here is a link to some of my literature as I transition from Amazon onto complimentary reading and book sites, freely available for anybody to read, download and or sell that's your fancy. I write what I write, and I invest 99% of my net worth on Wall Street, as volatile as the stock markets and world economy and outlook is. I am in fact one of the winners this year on Wall Street, while most individuals and institutions, not to mention the traditional hedge fund managers, they are all taking losses this year in 2016. I am however up 16% this year in 2016 and like my father, Wall Street wizard, has commented my expectations of the securities I purchase, buy and sell, my style is brilliant. I have been offered positions as CEO of several partnership corporations to invest up to $15 billion of other people's money. Bring in an excellent salary plus a 2% commission as a hedge fund manager. I declined all this offers. I purchased my first stock at age 11 for $100 of saved allowance money and brought in $25,000 a few years later, investing in the copper industry at the time. I continue to go against what has been recommended, to be in the markets at all, but I am and will remain there. I will win. I feel happy, winning, beating the Street, the S&P index, and I will continue to write, even if it means offering free PDFs of my literature self-published by choice with funds utilized for editorial hackwork and other self-publishing requirements. Leaving Amazon and most other traditional booksellers, Barnes and Noble, and so forth, I have set up a website which I will eventually publish my literary work, on booksshouldbefreeonline.com. For now, I await the downfall and loss of the business of selling art. Books SHOULD be FREE. And I assure you there will never be another book, which I do not provide to the world for free. My thoughts? They're free. This "loss" is a benefit. There is good in it. As a follower of this page commented recently, “Keep trucking brother. You're a gift to this world.” Thank you, LeeAnn. I will move on! I will move on! Thank you, thanks to all of you for making my time and my work worthwhile. I will be featured in several magazines for literature and film, having just won another audience award online, and I have done an interview with them with my loving wife’s assistance, and 4 of my books are up for a National Book Award. So I will “keep trucking.” All of you on this page inspire me. I need you to know that. In summary, I have had a falling out with my editors at the scam company out of Canada called Scribendi, and now Amazon, regardless of my last book being taken down. I will be removing my Amazon page and all other sale channels of distribution. Everything I do, artistically will before long be FREE. If you are for any reasons unable to find or have anything I produce artistically, I will ensure that I send you whatever it may be, even fine art, out of my pocket, or as many know, his means my trust fund, as my father and I, my dad, is the sole and primary trustee of my generous inheritance. Thank you. Thank you! Below is a link of starters. I have to get back toward now. I find failure, and going through the losses I have lost in my lifetime, a loss is real, Porcelain Utopia, my patents, my industry, my life, my work, my purpose. I carry on! I put a face on this disease, and I know it. I am real. I am visceral. I have nothing else to lose; rather I have nothing left that I would be unhappy to lose, for example, money on Wall Street as the world economy is currently in a state of severe volatile and uncertainty. I have been given three years of life to live, and as my wife told me on January 17th, my 40th birthday, she will (and I will) make it to 50! I just turned 40. I reek of success and resilience. I am proud. I am me. Feeling symptomatic but hanging in there, in here for the long the run. To quote Faulkner, “The reason to live is to get ready to stay dead a long time.” I agree. Enjoy the day. 
—Jonathan Harnisch, Certified Schizophrenic. :)

www.scribd.com/user/106249246/Jonathan-Harnisch
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20
Jan

To Stand One’s Ground

Dear Readers, Fans, Friends, and Family here on Facebook and Twitter: To Stand One's Ground!
Email from Author Jonathan Harnisch to Amazon.com and Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos:
Maureen, Dad: Since I am not permitted to invest or write, what is worth living for? Answer me! Otherwise, please provide me with a new editor, and at this point an important publishing house to eliminate this Amazon waste of time and put me on a pedestal, not a prison. No further discussion. Dad, please forward this to Jeff Bezos while I am symptomatic, here at 1:30 AM with the AMZN, Scribendi, etc., BS, pardon the French.
Reference ID: XXX XXX XXX
Please see the description of the book and the link to the interior on the final page, www.facebook.com/jwharnisch "The idea behind this short book is to include some of Jonathan Harnisch's old Facebook and blog posts about living with severe mental illness, cognitive decline and terminal physical disabilities. The writing captures the essence of what he experiences living with severe mental illness and physical disabilities." I am the owner of several blogs, more than 30. Look, I have had it up to my neck with the algorithms that Amazon.com uses justifiably to reduce or put an end to copyright infringement, which I fully understand. In the meantime, other individuals have often hacked into Amazon.com and sell MY work for their financial benefit, but you seldom punish them. I will say this, I write fictionalized autobiographical and sometimes straightforward biographical literature, praised across the globe, won awards, considered brilliant, featured in various magazines from Publishers Weekly to Writers Digest among others, even taught at the university level, moreover, when I was 15 in 1991 I assisted CEO Jeff Bezos, with the help of my father, who helped launch Amazon in 1994. If you will not accept that I might decide to post or publish my work, moreover my life story living with schizophrenia and other mental and physical illness and disability without getting a feeler for what my audience, online reaching over 100 million readers, then feel free to disable my Amazon account. I will then proceed to litigate. And I will win. Listen I do what I do, I get a feel for what works and what does not online and then publish accordingly. I know what I am doing. The bottom line is I have what is called life rights. I can't infringe upon the copyright of my life. Hence, would you suggest as a fix to this all-to-often matter of my alleged and accusatory plagiarism of my life by publishing all my work as public domain? Work with me here. 1.) You have the monopoly of bookselling and 2.) I refuse to publish traditionally. Fix this or remove me. Your algorithms are malicious, and your CEO is as his original and still running URL relentlesss.com seems fitting. That is all I have to say. You have attacked my character. I am appalled. My cell number is XXX XXX XXX or if you wouldn’t mind, please call my wife or write her at XXX XXX XXX or call her at XXX XXX XXX. Her name is Maureen. I am incapacitated and live with terminal illness, and I have as I said had it up to my neck with your ongoing accusations. My writing is original, and I refuse to "prove" it, much less to a computer, not even a real person. Waking up to another email like this that you have sent is appalling. Thumbs down to you. I am a sick and troubled man, and I put my LIFE, my full heart, and soul into my work, and you accuse me of fraud. You stole my patent for the interface for modern Internet shopping and then accuse me of theft and threaten to remove my account. Do as you will and audit me. I find your accusations and attacks malicious, and I need you to treat me with the same respect and dignity of which I deserve. I have spent millions of dollars since the 90s on Amazon.com. I have also sold my position of AMZN stock this year. I am one of the good guys here. I invite you to proceed, as you will. What you have done is undeniably atrocious. You're wasting my time.
Re:
Hello Jonathan,
I am contacting you regarding the following content:
Title: Living with Serious Mental Illness and Physical Disabilities
Author(s): Harnisch, Jonathan
Title ID: XXX XXX XXX
During a review of your catalog, we found your title(s) contain content that is freely available on the web. We were unable to verify your publication rights over this material, therefore this material has been suppressed through your account and removed from all sales channels until you have provided the requested information.
To reinstate your title's availability, please verify your publication rights by providing the information listed below. If your content is a collection of works, the same information is required for each individual work in the collection.
1. Confirm rights: If you hold rights for all of the content within your title(s), please state that you hold exclusive publishing rights to this material and provide any relevant documents from any other publisher(s) or copyright owners, such as a rights reversion letter. In addition, please provide the URLs for all websites where you have previously published this or any other CreateSpace content.
2. Alert us to retire your content: If you do not hold the exclusive publishing rights for all of the content within your title(s), please let us know and you may resubmit your title(s) with content that meets our content guidelines under a new ISBN. Please reference the “Public Domain and Other Non-Exclusive Content” portion of our content guidelines for further detail about what we deem acceptable. https://www.createspace.com/He…/Rights/ContentGuidelines.jsp
Please respond within 7 days with the requested URLs so we can verify you have the exclusive publishing rights. If the title(s) are in the public domain, please confirm this and include the information you used to make this determination.
Additionally, if you do not hold the exclusive publishing rights for other title(s) within your catalog, we ask that you provide us with the Title ID for each title that closely matches content that is freely available on the web within the next 7 days. Your account may be audited at the end of the 7 day period upon failure to respond.
If you have any questions regarding the review process, you can write to us at validation-request@createspace.com.
To ensure a faster response, please reply directly to this email and include the following reference ID in your reply: XXX XXX XXX.
We appreciate your cooperation in this matter.
Thank you,
— The Content Validation Request Team
Pictured below is Jeffrey Preston "Jeff" Bezos is an American technology entrepreneur and investor. He has played a role in the growth of e-commerce as the founder and CEO of Amazon.com
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19
Jan

Sex, Drugs, and Schizophrenia | Kirkus Magazine Book Review

Harnisch (Second Alibi, 2014, etc.) offers a novel that investigates the fractured mind of a schizophrenic.

“Let’s get the facts straight up front, to avoid any confusion later,” the author states at the start of this wild, candid book. “I am a person first, a human being, just like anyone else. Maybe a little different, that’s all.” That difference is a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and this extensive work explores the realities of mental illness through a whirlwind of fictional, narrative pieces and personal reflections. Along the way, it takes readers to places of depravity and confusion. Its characters include Ben Schreiber, a precocious but mentally ill youngster in Armani jeans, who explains his troubled life to the ever-calm Dr. C, after trying to rob a bank with a cellphone. Schreiber discusses his alter ego, Georgie Gust, a masochist and foot-fetishist, who’s wealthy enough to pay his neighbor Claudia to torture him; indeed, he seems capable of enduring any type of humiliation, so long as it doesn’t involve actually working. The first-person narrator regularly interrupts the proceedings to offer generally off-topic details: “(Parenthetical Pet Peeve) Commercials for unappetizing products shown at meal times…feminine hygiene products, jock itch, yeast infections, etc.” The scattered narrative uses diverse literary mechanisms, to say the least, mixing elements such as journal entries, a screenplay, a straightforward melodrama involving a Tourette’s sufferer at a private school, occasional celebrity name-dropping (“I met Joanna Cassidy, Dick Van Dyke, Robert Downey Jr, Mel Gibson, and others”), and a dapper figure named John Marshal, who, when asked his opinion of a party, responds, “I’d scarcely be a good judge of that…. My life is taken up with writing.” Making sense of it all in any traditional way, it would seem, isn’t really the point. From horrific scenes of child abuse (“She did. She raped me. My grandmother”) to glimpses of triumph (“I can start taking control of my life”), this long book’s many scenes of anguish and hope are difficult to take in, by any estimation. Whether readers will find the difficulty worthwhile depends largely on their tolerance for twisted tales.

A repetitive, explicit, fractured, lengthy and honest book, with an overall effect that mimics the confusion of its title.

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19
Jan

Second Alibi: The Banality of Life | BlueInk Review

Afflicted with schizophrenia, Tourette’s Syndrome and other mental illnesses, the prolific and gifted Jonathan Harnisch has transformed the harrowing raw material of his life into what he calls “transgressive fiction” in semi-autobiographical novels such as Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography and Living Colorful Beauty. With Second Alibi: The Banality of Life, he revisits the abrasive, triangular psychodrama of his brilliant, questing psychotic Ben Schreiber, Ben’s libertine alter-ego, Georgie Gust, and the sadistic temptress, Claudia Nesbitt, who torments them both, while also including a moving plea for understanding that stands apart from the disturbed fevers of his fiction.
“This is a story, I hope, about my coming to enlightenment,” Harnisch writes, and in that vein he enlightens us, too, about the fantastic terrors of schizophrenia: “What this life is like with the ups and the downs, the confusion, the love and the hate; the black and the white.” He tells us about his moods abruptly shifting 25 times in an hour, his suicide attempts and addictions, the grim realities of sleep deprivation and the fear that his beloved wife has been reading his mind.
Second Alibi toggles unpredictably between semi-coherent rage (Harnisch says he often writes when symptomatic) and cool detachment, and it deploys several forms: Harnisch’s sexually-charged fiction (Claudia is “a slow-moving serpent with a tongue of fire and the ass of a bombshell”); a 106-page screenplay featuring dialogues between Ben and his old antagonists, and with his life-saving therapist, “Dr. C”; self-lacerating entries from “Georgie Gust’s” 2005 diary, and the author’s clear explanations of his condition, apparently written at moments when his symptoms have subsided.
At times, Harnisch is energized by the very power of his illness. “The mind and the sickness is all so sublime,” he writes, “the heart of living, colorful beauty.” But in his most lucid moments, this brave and eloquent writer struggles mightily to escape the dark woods of madness: “As always, my journey continues, on and on.”
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19
Jan

Alibiography Blue Ink Book Review

The author of this deeply moving portrait of a schizophrenic is afflicted himself with schizo-affective disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome and a few other things. Jonathan Harnisch even calls himself “the king of mental illness.” Given those obstacles, it’s a wonder he can write anything, much less a semi-autobiographical novel as fiercely intelligent and finely crafted as this one.
First, a caveat: At 803 pages, Harnisch’s cleverly named “alibiography” contains all the repetitions and anomalies you might expect from a writer with serious demons. There’s also some gibberish. Sample: “Make it and makeshift it. Prototype it! Grab it! Snag it!”
Little matter. The protagonist, a disturbed trust-funder named Benjamin J. Schreiber, who has a self-destructive alter ego called Georgie Gust boiling inside his head, may be the most compelling character in the literature of madness since A Beautiful Mind’s John Nash. Unable to cope with dark childhood traumas, reclusive Ben transfers his fears and obsessions to his extroverted creation, Georgie, who falls into the clutches of a cruel sado-masochist lover, Claudia Nesbitt. That means Ben suffers too, of course, and Harnisch’s depictions of inner torment are harrowing. When Ben tries to hang himself, the scene reverberates with authorial knowingness.
Ben descends into drug addiction. He tries to rob a bank in Pasadena. He spends years in a mental ward as “everything I don’t want to be.” Luckily, he also comes under the care of a gifted psychiatrist, “Dr. C,” who unlocks the secrets of his past and gives Ben hope. All he’s ever dreamed of—what the author obviously wants, too-—is some “seemingly impossible peace of mind, through complete honesty and self-love, by any means necessary.”
For Harnisch, those means seem to have included writing this powerful, heart-wrenching and clearly self-therapeutic book, even though his alter ego, Ben, feels obliged to apologize to the reader “for all the utter confusion, chaos and inconsistencies here within.” No apology necessary.
-- Blue Ink Book Review
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19
Jan

Tuesday, January 19, 2016 Mini Movie

I want to grow. I want to be better. You Grow. We all grow. We're made to grow.You either evolve or you disappear. 
— Tupac Shakur
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19
Jan

Jonathan Harnisch | Throwback Tuesday, January 19, 2016

I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes. Good morning! It's another good day to have a great day!

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19
Jan

When We Were Invincible by Jonathan Harnisch Blue Ink Starred Book Review

Author Jonathan Harnisch often writes about alter egos who live with the same mental disorders that he does, including schizophrenia and Tourette’s syndrome. The protagonist of this coming- of-age novel is Georgie Gust, a character who has appeared in the author’s previous novels as a sexual fetishist and even another character’s alter ego. For readers who may have explored other Harnisch novels, it’s best to think of Georgie as the blank canvas on which the author hangs his tales and not try to unify Georgie’s mythology.

Here, Georgie appears as an angry young man in the mold of Salinger’s Holden Caulfield. He’s been banished by his alcoholic mother to a boarding school in Connecticut and we meet him during a suicidal episode in a graveyard. Georgie experiences his mental illness as a literal monkey on his back; he is also dangerously self-medicating. The prose is as electrifying as it is terrifying. “Out of the wild jungle one day, rejoining me in full costume, the horn-headed monkey returns to its residence in me,” Georgie says. “This time, it was going to try and kill me, the son- of-a-bitch.”

The majority of the novel concerns Georgie’s relationship with classmate Claudia Nesbitt, and hijinks with his buddy “Fitzie.” Georgie has thoughtful debates with his Catholic girlfriend about the nature of God and she encourages him to embrace his mental illness, even as his self- destructive nature threatens to destroy him. Much like the title character in Good Will Hunting, Georgie’s redemption is somewhat expedient, but the character’s voice is utterly compelling and Harnisch inhabits his troubled young hero with compassion and grace. A bittersweet postscript finds Georgie still struggling but determined to triumph: "The consciousness of life is higher than life, and the knowledge of happiness is higher than happiness,” he notes. “And, that’s what we have to fight against. I’ll continue from now on to fight.”

The author’s authenticity no doubt comes at great personal cost, but his writing is elevated by his personal experience. This story deserves an admiring audience.

-- BlueInk Review
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19
Jan

The Brutal Truth by Jonathan Harnisch Blue Ink Book Review

In this slim volume of personal essays, the prolific New Mexico novelist, filmmaker and mental health advocate Jonathan Harnisch provides heart-wrenching insights into his long battle with schizophrenia. A gifted writer who has weathered seven suicide attempts and more than 30 hospitalizations, Harnisch speaks with chilling authority about “the shattered stained glass” of a disease whose terrifying hallucinations keep him from distinguishing between “what is real and what is not.”

As in Harnisch's earlier books—notably, his 803-page semi-autobiographical novel, Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography—the 40-year-old author's moods alternate between optimism (“I always do my best to keep things positive”) and bleak despair (“The old me disappears as I fall deeper and deeper into oblivion”), but his goals always remain clear: to burn off “the fog of schizophrenia” and put an end to the stigma associated with mental illness, and the maltreatment of its victims.

Harnisch's bio, as he relates it here, is fascinating. A privileged graduate of Choate and New York University's film school, he calls himself “an unemployed artist with a botched trust fund and a life that, in terms of conventional reality, doesn't actually exist.” Also diagnosed with an array of other “comorbidities” (PTSD, Tourette's Syndrome, autism, etc.), he writes, for self-therapy, only when sleepless and symptomatic, producing the raw, anguished, truth of a survivor. In his dark mood, he tells us he is friendless and cut off from family, reduced to having philosophical conversations “with the store clerks at the Quick Fix on Maple Street”; but later, he praises his loving wife and the company of their three dogs and seven cats.

What's “real?” What's imagined? In a life so troubled, we are left with few answers. But Harnisch's harrowing quest for clarity is undeniably real. Mid-book, he seems to address the demon of schizophrenia itself, with moving eloquence: “Love me, hate me, hurt me or kill me. I keep fighting.”

-- BlueInk Review
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18
Jan

Reconciliation With My Father And Family

Inspiration For The Happy Heart [We're In This Together] Reconciliation With My Father And Family | Monday, January 18, 2016, 5:00 AM (MST)

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17
Jan

Birthday Blues

F*** my new diagnosis: Brain tumor on my f***ing 40th Birthday. F***. F***. F***.

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17
Jan

ON THE BUS ON TV

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17
Jan

WAX ON TV

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17
Jan

My First Galaxy Movie

N/A

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17
Jan

Living with Serious Mental Illness and Physical Disabilities

The idea behind this short book is to include some of Jonathan Harnisch's old Facebook and blog posts about living with severe mental illness, cognitive decline and terminal physical disabilities. The writing captures the essence of what he experiences living with serious mental illness and physical disabilities.

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15
Jan

On the Bus

A psychological thriller about the experiences of a mentally disturbed man, who rides a bus and bothers passengers based on recent circumstances in his life. The film has a surprise ending that startles the audience, but ties the fragmented story together in a dramatic conclusion.

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15
Jan

On the Bus [Trailer] HD

A psychological thriller about the experiences of a mentally disturbed man, who rides a bus and bothers passengers based on recent circumstances in his life. The film has a surprise ending that startles the audience, but ties the fragmented story together in a dramatic conclusion.

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15
Jan

Conversation with Laney

Who says a little unsuspecting chatter between a desk clerk and a schizophrenic genius had to be dull?

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15
Jan

I Have Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizoaffective disorder is a condition in which a person experiences a combination of schizophrenia symptoms — such as hallucinations or delusions — and mood disorder symptoms, such as mania or depression. Schizoaffective disorder is not as well understood or well defined as other mental health conditions.

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15
Jan

The Treatment Of Cognitive Impairment In Schizophrenia

Cognitive impairment is when a person has trouble remembering, learning new things, concentrating, or making decisions that affect their everyday life. Cognitive impairment ranges from mild to severe.

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12
Jan

I Am Terrified

I am terrified of my early onset schizophrenia that is a serious, chronic mental illness that causes delusional or hallucinogenic thoughts. The primary symptom of the rare blood disease I have diagnosed in December 2015 (I can never remember the name) is the same for the symptoms mentions above for schizophrenia. I feel like iii am losing my mind. It is terrifying. The negative process of thinking, behavior and confusion have been elevated beyond belief. I just can't think straight for thy life off me, and I have been sleeping fine, diet is OK, and I am taking my medication as prescribed. I believe my doctors, family and caregivers are plotting to institutionalize me. If any of you experience the same, please know you are not the only one. Also, I celebrate 13 years clean and sober later this week. …Nausea, dizziness, memory problems, confusion, and more. MRI is soon regarding the brain tumor. I just want to live. I just want to live! Have a good evening. I will catch up on your hundreds off comments another time. I hope you can forgive me for being behind. I am trying to juggle too many balls at once, and I just can't think straight or remember anything. My entire medical team is on high alert, so I do have help and support no matter where my thinking goes as far as posting online in the future, paranoid of those who are here to help. They apparently are. This is the hugest battle I had ever fought. Wise than quitting, well, the worst "junk" out there, years and year ago. My life has not turned out where I had ever thought. I am completely trapped. My mood then changes. Mozart music, in particular, his noted Serenade in B-flat, K. 361 "Gran partita": III. Adagio. Thank you. And welcome new followers. You happened to catch me at an awkward time, on a bit of a detour if you will. I don't know. My cognitive abilities are declining, seemingly by the minute. My experiences have become so frightening I can't even begin to tell you; I just want to live and be free of all of this. But I am not out of the woods yet.
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12
Jan

This Was the Week That Was [HD]

I have lost this. Rather, I have given this back.

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12
Jan

That Was the Week That Was


That Was the Week That Was:

Good morning everyone. Hello to all my friends around the world! Have a magnificent day! Just do your best in all you do, even if you fall short! 

No matter how you feel get up dress up and show up and never give up.

When I can, though all the good and bad times, through thick and thin, I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me or think of me and say "Because of you, I did not give up..." I don't give up!

If your big dream scares the shit out of you, you're really onto something. In fact, it's your crystal ball answer to the question of "should I do this?" Live a kick ass life. You deserve it!

Living with schizophrenia and therefore with a brain that doesn't work from time to time my life can become difficult, but I keep moving ahead, as always, knowing I am a good person and that I am worth it. 

Just breathe... in every moment we begin again.

Considering I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, Tourette’s syndrome, diabetes, anxiety and depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer, I am doing okay. At the end of the storm, there's always a golden sky.

We have to fight some bad days to earn the best days of our lives.

If you or a loved one has schizophrenia do not let it have you fight your fucking hardest and give it your all and everything to fight the war with your own mind and never ever give up doing your damnedest to live the life that you want to live no matter what again do you not ever fucking give up no matter what your mental health diagnosis is or whether you are just dealing with the fucked up mess of life. In the meantime if you are having a good day you better fucking appreciate it because those are extremely rare for people like me diagnosed with severe mental and terminal physical illness. PS the door here is always open for you to come and go as you please just do not as they say block the doorway and take up space. Love me or hate me. That's up to you. Believe in yourself and always keep the hope and faith alive no matter what! 

Schizophrenia is a complex illness. Mental health experts are not sure what causes it. Genes may play a role.

Never give up! Keep on fighting. Don't let your demons beat you.

I will have 13 years drugs and alcohol-free on Friday. I will have one month (30 days) off cigarettes on Saturday. My 40th birthday is on Sunday. Aside from that my apologies for bringing up something or anything uninspiring but I have to vent for a second. One of my bank accounts and my PayPal accounts compromised three days ago. I have no help. I don't want help, feeling ignored by everyone in my real and personal life as the scapegoat. I have done all l am able. Lost $6,000 so far. It brings up severe PTSD symptoms. I feel stuck. It is complicated because the account isn’t under my name. Again, as anything with me and my mental illnesses are, “it’s complicated,” my doctor proclaims. Where is my wife? My life? My mind? Schizophrenic. Where is my family? For crying out loud, and so I locked myself in my office again for the day, cancelling all appointments. I don't like days like this. But they all pass. ?

Welcome everybody, to Wonderland, effing Wonderland at times. I am feeling a bit better and stronger now. Following is some writing therapy I did earlier today, unedited. I feel so indebted to all of you, even to those who leave this Facebook page. Many of you have written suggesting that I may perhaps appear to be exhausted and in need of relaxation rest and some time off. I plan on doing so whether or not I end up succeeding in taking time off to face the universe, literally, and devastatingly alone. I look into the mirror every day lately, and I see a complete sleepless and lost stranger in myself, and others in my "real" inter-personal life and conventionally accepted life itself. I've been battling severe comorbid schizophrenia and related psychotic and dissociative mental health conditions for most of my life now as well as otherwise "normal" life issues and so forth. I feel that it might be time for me to submit perhaps surrender and allow my mental and physical health conditions to take over my life experiences, permitting me to live a great deal more if not fully in my otherwise delusional and hallucinatory landscape in the world where I am most familiar and comfortable. Thank you for understanding, if you do. Overall, I am exhausted and need some time off. Thank you, everybody, I feel much better having written out these feelings, otherwise feeling abandoned in the overall enterprise at the same time neglected and abused controlled cornered trapped and stuck. Need time to think and work on some art projects. Want to get cut off from the world. Just want to be alone for a bit. This morning I have an important medical appointment for some blood conditions I endured over the last couple years but still surviving, I'd rather not go into detail about it. It's just scary. I am trying to hold onto the saying that most things we worry about don't happen, in other words, to hear bad news. I've done all I can since the last doctor's visit for the problem. I'll just say that it is potentially life threatening. But... I will end it there. It's just a bit scary, so I am cutting up some random and old film stock here in my production office for the time being to bring back memories from when I began shooting film on Super 8 and some early video, documenting my life. Feels nostalgic to see some of the footage after 20, 30 years. Sometimes I just miss certain parts of times past. But I'll be around. Just so happy I went in and on my own, for the first time in public otherwise overwhelmed by all the people and lights at the Apple Store to finally get my main computer fixed after months and months using an iPhone as my desktop. It's a strange experience knowing I have a likelihood of 5 or so years left to live. Makes you think, and cry. But I look at the world in a whole different way, just in case, you know? But I am not upset about it. I don't know quite why. I invited my father out to visit the other day, as well. We've been estranged since 2010. I am also giving away some of my expensive gadgets and things, like my top of the line 3D TV, to some of the staff here on my compound. I don't need them. I like them, but I've worked hard this year and actually made enough money on my own, and not even as much from book sales, and film and TV checks from my film distributor, but from Wall Street, my primary career, technically as a hedge fund manager, like my father, just on a smaller scale, of course. I don’t know. I feel like all I am doing is making up things to get sympathy. I do not like that about myself, not one bit. Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Schizophrenia is a devastating illness that affects approximately 1% of the population. Its primary impact is on thought, and its cardinal symptom is psychotic thinking in affecting individuals. Besides, however, it can affect many aspects of cortical function. Although great strides have occurred in treating this disorder, it remains one of the most debilitating of psychiatric disorders. And here I am, living with a terminal illness as I am diagnosed with something new every year, for the past 40 years, from birth; I was a still born. I feel like Stephen Hawking smile emoticon Surviving schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, Tourette's syndrome, diabetes, anxiety and depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer…. I will be following up with an MRI for a cyst in the pituitary gland in my brain. I am a survivor. I am my own hero. I have lived this long and as I am with achievement and failure all the while in an overarching cognitive decline. Losing my mind, with schizophrenia is difficult, but losing awareness makes it wiser I must admit. If you know somebody, please pick up the phone and call him or her, or sent a text message and just see how they are without any expectations or attempt to fix him or her. Trust me it may make a difference no matter how it goes, and it might not even seem as such, but it might make a huge difference. I speak from experience. I wish I could write more, but my fingers cramped from the side effects of all the antipsychotic medication. It began in 1988. I was 12. 80mg Haldol. My life changed ever since. This is life. This is my life. Right now. It's my perspective. The only perspective I know, real or unreal. The 6 knock-out vitamins, 2 per hour helped me sleep longer and the Rockstars, despite my blood condition and it being affected by excess of liquids and then the diabetes insipidus, and so forth, I am just doing what I want to do, I mean I can't even have more than glass of water a day or else I end up back again in the emergency room, it's a silly disease, real, yes, but worth the diet of basically no liquids? No. Not now. One thing at a time, and my hands and fingers, my limbs are so tense and cramped from the Thorazine I am on; it is hard but I always, always come through to the light. My own work is all helping as well, the liquids, sipping them as I have been since 6:30 AM, and so forth as I said, I am just having some trouble sequencing my thoughts; putting a hold on my next novel until I can shy away from the avant-garde heavy duty, or difficult reading… Blah. Blip, Bam, and boom. Can I kick it? Yes, sure I can, I am kicking butt. As far as the Pay Pal and Wells Fargo matter? I have decided to close the account at WF today, at the branch, just down the street, I'll walk. It's fine. No one is here, to help, again, Jonathan is the "billionaire schizophrenic," bull. Sociopaths run my life. That is my perspective, my point of view. It is real to me. I don't need paychecks from Peconic Partners, my father's firm, nor from my art and moreover my bestselling books. My father controls my other trust accounts in any case. I don't know. Blah… The cognitive decline is not funny and my father in January? Another misunderstanding, now he said he is NOT coming out BECAUSE I asked him not to when I said DO come out, That is schizophrenia. In any event, I feel estranged from my wife. But as I began this I am feeling better and stronger now. Maybe I will take a shower soon. I am trying to drain my Wells Fargo account so that the Pay Pal hacker will not be able to pay for the thing she is. P.S. I own quite a bit of Pay Pal stock on Wall Street. I am selling all of it today, I laugh at my love for the company itself, or their common stock, as an investment, but I've never trusted Pay Pal nor eBay, and I have never used either in my life.

Success in life comes when you refuse to give up, with goals so strong that obstacles, failure and loss only act as motivation.

While one depressed person may experience feelings of sadness. I had a lot to give to this world especially when I was feeling great, and always hoped and prayed that one morning I could wake up, and all of the distress would be over, but was too hard, for too long. I can't do it. And so, I am sad to report that I have slept on this several times, and I have given up at last. I have lost all hope.

Life is hard. Healing hurts. Moving forward is terrifying for many people.  

Have a good day. You are amazing. Remember that. If you have the power to make someone happy, please do it. The world needs more of that.

From Jonathan Harnisch
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12
Jan

Mini Mental Health Blog | Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Welcome everybody, to Wonderland, effing Wonderland at times. I am feeling a bit better and stronger now. Following is some writing therapy I did earlier today, unedited. I feel so indebted to all of you, even to those who leave this Facebook page. Many of you have written suggesting that I may perhaps appear to be exhausted and in need of relaxation rest and some time off. I plan on doing so whether or not I end up succeeding in taking time off to face the universe, literally, and devastatingly alone. I look into the mirror every day lately, and I see a complete sleepless and lost stranger in myself, and others in my "real" inter-personal life and conventionally accepted life itself. I've been battling severe comorbid schizophrenia and related psychotic and dissociative mental health conditions for most of my life now as well as otherwise "normal" life issues and so forth. I feel that it might be time for me to submit perhaps surrender and allow my mental and physical health conditions to take over my life experiences, permitting me to live a great deal more if not fully in my otherwise delusional and hallucinatory landscape in the world where I am most familiar and comfortable. Thank you for understanding, if you do. Overall, I am exhausted and need some time off. Thank you, everybody, I feel much better having written out these feelings, otherwise feeling abandoned in the overall enterprise at the same time neglected and abused controlled cornered trapped and stuck. Need time to think and work on some art projects. Want to get cut off from the world. Just want to be alone for a bit. This morning I have an important medical appointment for some blood conditions I endured over the last couple years but still surviving, I'd rather not go into detail about it. It's just scary. I am trying to hold onto the saying that most things we worry about don't happen, in other words, to hear bad news. I've done all I can since the last doctor's visit for the problem. I'll just say that it is potentially life threatening. But... I will end it there. It's just a bit scary, so I am cutting up some random and old film stock here in my production office for the time being to bring back memories from when I began shooting film on Super 8 and some early video, documenting my life. Feels nostalgic to see some of the footage after 20, 30 years. Sometimes I just miss certain parts of times past. But I'll be around. Just so happy I went in and on my own, for the first time in public otherwise overwhelmed by all the people and lights at the Apple Store to finally get my main computer fixed after months and months using an iPhone as my desktop. It's a strange experience knowing I have a likelihood of 5 or so years left to live. Makes you think, and cry. But I look at the world in a whole different way, just in case, you know? But I am not upset about it. I don't know quite why. I invited my father out to visit the other day, as well. We've been estranged since 2010. I am also giving away some of my expensive gadgets and things, like my top of the line 3D TV, to some of the staff here on my compound. I don't need them. I like them, but I've worked hard this year and actually made enough money on my own, and not even as much from book sales, and film and TV checks from my film distributor, but from Wall Street, my primary career, technically as a hedge fund manager, like my father, just on a smaller scale, of course. I don’t know. I feel like all I am doing is making up things to get sympathy. I do not like that about myself, not one bit. Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Schizophrenia is a devastating illness that affects approximately 1% of the population. Its primary impact is on thought, and its cardinal symptom is psychotic thinking in affecting individuals. Besides, however, it can affect many aspects of cortical function. Although great strides have occurred in treating this disorder, it remains one of the most debilitating of psychiatric disorders. And here I am, living with a terminal illness as I am diagnosed with something new every year, for the past 40 years, from birth;  I was a still born. I feel like Stephen Hawking :) Surviving schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, Tourette's syndrome, diabetes, anxiety and depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer…. I will be following up with an MRI for a cyst in the pituitary gland in my brain. I am a survivor. I am my own hero. I have lived this long and as I am with achievement and failure all the while in an overarching cognitive decline. Losing my mind, with schizophrenia is difficult, but losing awareness makes it wiser I must admit. If you know somebody, please pick up the phone and call him or her, or sent a text message and just see how they are without any expectations or attempt to fix him or her. Trust me it may make a difference no matter how it goes, and it might not even seem as such, but it might make a huge difference. I speak from experience. I wish I could write more, but my fingers cramped from the side effects of all the antipsychotic medication. It began in 1988. I was 12. 80mg Haldol. My life changed ever since. This is life. This is my life. Right now. It's my perspective. The only perspective I know, real or unreal. The 6 knock-out vitamins, 2 per hour helped me sleep longer and the Rockstars, despite my blood condition and it being affected by excess of liquids and then the diabetes insipidus, and so forth, I am just doing what I want to do, I mean I can't even have more than glass of water a day or else I end up back again in the emergency room, it's a silly disease, real, yes, but worth the diet of basically no liquids? No. Not now. One thing at a time, and my hands and fingers, my limbs are so tense and cramped from the Thorazine I am on; it is hard but I always, always come through to the light. My own work is all helping as well, the liquids, sipping them as I have been since 6:30 AM, and so forth as I said, I am just having some trouble sequencing my thoughts; putting a hold on my next novel until I can shy away from the avant-garde heavy duty, or difficult reading… Blah. Blip, Bam, and boom. Can I kick it? Yes, sure I can, I am kicking butt. As far as the Pay Pal and Wells Fargo matter? I have decided to close the account at WF today, at the branch, just down the street, I'll walk. It's fine. No one is here, to help, again, Jonathan is the "billionaire schizophrenic," bull. Sociopaths run my life. That is my perspective, my point of view. It is real to me. I don't need paychecks from Peconic Partners, my father's firm, nor from my art and moreover my bestselling books. My father controls my other trust accounts in any case. I don't know. Blah… The cognitive decline is not funny and my father in January? Another misunderstanding, now he said he is NOT coming out BECAUSE I asked him not to when I said DO come out, That is schizophrenia.  In any event, I feel estranged from my wife. But as I began this I am feeling better and stronger now. Maybe I will take a shower soon. I am trying to drain my Wells Fargo account so that the Pay Pal hacker will not be able to pay for the thing she is. P.S. I own quite a bit of Pay Pal stock on Wall Street. I am selling all of it today, I laugh at my love for the company itself, or their common stock, as an investment, but I've never trusted Pay Pal nor eBay, and I have never used either in my life.
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11
Jan

Miracles in the Heart of Darkness-HD

Miracles in the Heart of Darkness by Jonathan Harnisch

September 6, 2012, Porcelain Utopia

There are times in Life when I have to deal with “awful” things; things I just can’t ignore. The way I cope is by giving such things all the time and attention they need, however, not one single second longer than that. I invite you to do the same.

Take the time to enjoy all the good and beauty Life has to offer.

Over the years in my own darkness, and even the light—all of it, especially the loss of my family, finances and my mind (even over 1,000 hours of film and video footage I shot since I was 11) as I often bring up on The Real Me podcast, Porcelain Utopia and my documentaries, I always had hope. At one time (I think it’s in one of my other documentaries) I speak candidly, in my own self-aware psychosis about having nothing, at least nothing “good,” and that I didn’t even want help, and even then I always had hope. It started with my not knowing what I was even hoping for (perhaps a miracle, or just some relief, wanting to press the pause button of Life) from there, patience, then mindfulness, and the camera which I’d look into and just talk to my then-invisible audience. Spirituality was always there and even with the schizophrenia, I had my “imaginary friends” (if that makes sense?) The ‘positive‘ symptoms (voices and hallucinations) both good and evil—the “good,” the angels, always cancelled out the “evil”—told me I was brilliant, gave me brilliant ideas, many of a grandiose nature, but then again, most of my life had been rather grand and abundant.

Taking such well respected theorists (Carl Jung, John Weir Perry, and R.D. Laing’s) approach that there’s so much we don’t know about Life, but that science might even suggest that such symptoms, could very well be real in some way, and with all the loss and trauma for example, and the idea, not even a belief necessarily that “everything happens for a reason…” I still couldn’t see the meaning, so I came up with my own, and then the hope became my purpose. It grew and changed and evolved, as did my authenticity, and lately my self-acceptance and forgiveness of others’ actions, especially my own, and the way that I looked at the world. I took the leap and when I began to change the way I thought (which can be difficult with Sz) my values changed, also out of need, but with time, the miracles started to occur, just not as I had expected. Sometimes I just have to stay put and let go completely. It’s often impossible not to get caught up in the moment of negativity for me, whether I just bruised my hand on a door, or some drawn-out legal matter is haunting every minute of the day, but once I could get that far, and start really thinking, believing and feeling simultaneously all the little clichéd quotes like the ones I sometimes post on Porcelain Utopia and elsewhere, they’re all incredibly true. Currently I’ve been choosing which things in my life I want to deal with and just do one thing at a time, in my own way. Being true to myself first, then others and when I miss the mark, I start over.

If any of you are still struggling (I think we all are and we are all in need of healing in some way or another) I’m confident you will succeed and come out of the darkness where most of you already know is where the light is.

I’m so happy that I have touched so many of you in some way. My goal had always been just one person, and now my “audience” is well over 100 million. To some I’m otherwise just some mental health problem; to my best of friends and myself, I am a person. And we all are. What we have in common is Love. I could write volumes about this, and actually I do have many movies, books, and art not online, just on my list. But most are complete.

As I wrote to a close friend this morning, “Feel my big bear hug. I feel yours. It’s unbelievable. “

I received an email from Bill Clinton’s office a short while ago [revision: 2 days ago, having written this part on Sept. 4th] asking me for additional information to recognize me for my work in mental health advocacy. A minute later, the head of a major Hollywood studio I was acquainted with during my years working in Los Angeles and New York wrote me about a $200 million budget period piece film script I’d written that’s been sitting on my shelf for over ten years, as well as his own. It was apparent they were going to green light it after all this time.

My browser and Internet and even my website crashed for a minute and the two emails and all it’s data instantly deleted. As an official developer for Google (I use Gmail and Chrome) and have owned Google stock since day one which is worth over $1.2 billion today. My family took control of it in January 2010. I have no credit and no money, my credit score had been around 780-790 and now I’m still in debt.

The finances that allowed me to purchase Google IPO came from a conceptual patent which as I have written and spoken of in the past outlined the online shopping interface initially for Price Club. It was called the Price Club Quest. It still exists as a kiosk in most major retail stores today. My father was a founding financier of the company at the time (1991—I was 15 and the Internet was just released to the public by the British.) Such companies as Amazon, Wal-Mart and Target have benefited from my written idea. I have held onto the original records, dated and signed as well.

Today [again, 2 days ago now] it was confirmed from a notable patent attorney contact who wrote me an hour or two after writing him, that I indeed I have all that I need even without an actual patent in order to not only avoid court, and to first get the patent itself, the records are in fact the only necessary items. I had scanned him a copy. Mainly a forty-page writing piece with diagrams, research, analysis and the like.

[Still, 2 days ago…] I’m deciding a sort of vow of poverty in this matter, as within I assume a few moths but I don’t know, and with no fee, I could quadruple my actual net worth which was removed from me because I am mentally ill—perhaps brilliantly “insane” (ugh…) nevertheless, I have chosen to not pursue this, which would simply be a matter of replying “Yes, I’ll hand over the Price Club Quest file,” (he would come out here to avoid any errors or loss of mail via carrier.)

I want my life and I have it today I received likely the greatest gifts via email—miracles. And all I want to do is spend time on my farm, with our horses, goats, donkeys, ducks, dogs, cats and bird. All I want to do is make my little music therapy tunes, my homemade iMovie and YouTube videos, and to help one of my best friends in the world who happens to have once been the most famous person in the world, he now struggles himself.

I have now stabilized for over three months on my medication and therapy regimen for my diagnosis with a rare schizophrenia spectrum disorder with autistic features often presenting me with gifts, “visions’ and miracles. My otherwise bad day does not mean I have a bad life. In the heat of my own otherwise-darkness right now, and my dilemma which is in my favor, I just want to continue what I am doing and decline credit or restitution for simply helping the world in feeling okay with their own mental health issues by offering inspiration when I am able, and to just know of my countless other achievements in film and TV which having entertained millions, and that others in the world, and myself, are able to purchase almost anything on the Internet. I think my job is done.

This might very well be my last actual blog post on Porcelain Utopia and recording on The Real Me Podcast. Things change and we’ll just have to see. I’m just longing for the simpler life, eliminating stress and even the pressure I feel to constantly be producing and creating. It often tends to become too much for me, to feel the need, for the most part all the time, to do. At least I am approaching my work much less as imperatively, so I can focus more on my own health and Life, making choices and decisions, which sometimes change.

I’ve already sent in my letters of resignation as for developing software for Google, Apple and Microsoft. I have saved all my royalty checks from my published anthologies, as the physical checks framed on my wall means more than $50 here, $100 there.

I know who I am and I know what I want. I know that I change. We all change, and we survive. We get though it.

I have put my dent in the world in all arenas of my own craft and they’ve been confirmed. I helped others. I ‘did good’ as we New Yorkers say.

Happy travels on your own path, might you be blessed enough to find it and follow your dreams, not anybody else’s. Trust me. It’ll make you happier, perhaps enlightened.

Thank you for being such a wonderful supportive and considerate audience all this time—I might post now and then in the future, and Porcelain Utopia will be up until 2015 as funding is limited. Other than that I don’t believe much more can or even should be said. I have reached all my goals today, ironically all at once. I can live with that and I can go and watch some TV and listen to more Duran Duran albums as I do every day to help keep me going, at least staying afloat.

[Now… this evening 2 days later on 06 Sept 2012 7:30 PM as I wait for a project to export, here’s a brief update as I was not going to had published the above. But now, regarding those miracles…]

7:20 PM: Speak of the Devil. Having written what is above in order to write for therapy, it turns out this morning I sold a new film and TV program. Wow, I suppose things work out in the end. I had began writing this a day or two earlier, and now, my new medicine regimen has in fact kinked in, plus my network in Hollywood and in the literary world are actually coming through, with over 200 emails and messages every hour now. This is apparently due to all that I’ve been putting such enormous effort into over the past few years, it’s paying off my the hour. I believe this is only the beginning. I am coming back. No, I am back. And I have got it! Here coming on 7:30 PM I think it’s about time to actually post this. It began on Tuesday, and things can really change in a day or two. I will keep you posted on the show and will just keep with the rebuilding of broken links here on this site and adding more posts when I get that miracle of just a little bit of time. Maybe a real God does exist. Always had the hope. And to get back to my professional life. Looking to be on the up and up. I must say I am proud of myself, forgiving and grateful, feeling a peace of mind again and at last.

I sure love to write. But off I go now to cut up more of an upcoming motion picture and moreover its music score for an oblique and surreal feature length film called Prototype. It’s one of those passion projects of mine. It looks like the money will be coming in after all with my television sale. Relief. The contract is simple and being revised slightly overnight. It will be in and done by tomorrow, Friday, the latest by early next week. Can’t wait to let you know about it further, I simply am not at leisure to at the moment. But it’s real and happening. It’s amazing. I want to keep this one safe, friends, and not ‘jinx’ a thing. And Bill Clinton, well, maybe his office will write back at some point. If not, nothing lost, and everything already gained in my opinion.

Again, please take the time to enjoy all the good and beauty Life has to offer, it’s sublime when you are able to see it that way, when you can, realistically.

Since the closing down of Porcelain Utopia in October 2013 Jonathan Harnisch has decrypted as much code and text possible, which thousands of hackers had corrupted breaking through the most sophisticated security software available. The former self hosted WordPress website had wielded single-handedly by Harnisch 25 million hits per day by its end and was written up in the press as the most viral WordPress blog known as it narrated Harnisch’s journey through schizophrenia. This is what remains.

-- Jonathan Harnisch
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11
Jan

Miracles in the Heart of Darkness

Miracles in the Heart of Darkness by Jonathan Harnisch

September 6, 2012, Porcelain Utopia

There are times in Life when I have to deal with “awful” things; things I just can’t ignore. The way I cope is by giving such things all the time and attention they need, however, not one single second longer than that. I invite you to do the same.

Take the time to enjoy all the good and beauty Life has to offer--

Over the years in my own darkness, and even the light—all of it, especially the loss of my family, finances and my mind (even over 1,000 hours of film and video footage I shot since I was 11) as I often bring up on The Real Me podcast, Porcelain Utopia and my documentaries, I always had hope. At one time (I think it’s in one of my other documentaries) I speak candidly, in my own self-aware psychosis about having nothing, at least nothing “good,” and that I didn’t even want help, and even then I always had hope. It started with my not knowing what I was even hoping for (perhaps a miracle, or just some relief, wanting to press the pause button of Life) from there, patience, then mindfulness, and the camera which I’d look into and just talk to my then-invisible audience. Spirituality was always there and even with the schizophrenia, I had my “imaginary friends” (if that makes sense?) The ‘positive‘ symptoms (voices and hallucinations) both good and evil—the “good,” the angels, always cancelled out the “evil”—told me I was brilliant, gave me brilliant ideas, many of a grandiose nature, but then again, most of my life had been rather grand and abundant.

Taking such well respected theorists (Carl Jung, John Weir Perry, and R.D. Laing’s) approach that there’s so much we don’t know about Life, but that science might even suggest that such symptoms, could very well be real in some way, and with all the loss and trauma for example, and the idea, not even a belief necessarily that “everything happens for a reason…” I still couldn’t see the meaning, so I came up with my own, and then the hope became my purpose. It grew and changed and evolved, as did my authenticity, and lately my self-acceptance and forgiveness of others’ actions, especially my own, and the way that I looked at the world. I took the leap and when I began to change the way I thought (which can be difficult with Sz) my values changed, also out of need, but with time, the miracles started to occur, just not as I had expected. Sometimes I just have to stay put and let go completely. It’s often impossible not to get caught up in the moment of negativity for me, whether I just bruised my hand on a door, or some drawn-out legal matter is haunting every minute of the day, but once I could get that far, and start really thinking, believing and feeling simultaneously all the little clichéd quotes like the ones I sometimes post on Porcelain Utopia and elsewhere, they’re all incredibly true. Currently I’ve been choosing which things in my life I want to deal with and just do one thing at a time, in my own way. Being true to myself first, then others and when I miss the mark, I start over.

If any of you are still struggling (I think we all are and we are all in need of healing in some way or another) I’m confident you will succeed and come out of the darkness where most of you already know is where the light is.

I’m so happy that I have touched so many of you in some way. My goal had always been just one person, and now my “audience” is well over 100 million. To some I’m otherwise just some mental health problem; to my best of friends and myself, I am a person. And we all are. What we have in common is Love. I could write volumes about this, and actually I do have many movies, books, and art not online, just on my list. But most are complete.

As I wrote to a close friend this morning, “Feel my big bear hug. I feel yours. It’s unbelievable. “

I received an email from Bill Clinton’s office a short while ago [revision: 2 days ago, having written this part on Sept. 4th] asking me for additional information to recognize me for my work in mental health advocacy. A minute later, the head of a major Hollywood studio I was acquainted with during my years working in Los Angeles and New York wrote me about a $200 million budget period piece film script I’d written that’s been sitting on my shelf for over ten years, as well as his own. It was apparent they were going to green light it after all this time.

My browser and Internet and even my website crashed for a minute and the two emails and all it’s data instantly deleted. As an official developer for Google (I use Gmail and Chrome) and have owned Google stock since day one which is worth over $1.2 billion today. My family took control of it in January 2010. I have no credit and no money, my credit score had been around 780-790 and now I’m still in debt.

The finances that allowed me to purchase Google IPO came from a conceptual patent which as I have written and spoken of in the past outlined the online shopping interface initially for Price Club. It was called the Price Club Quest. It still exists as a kiosk in most major retail stores today. My father was a founding financier of the company at the time (1991—I was 15 and the Internet was just released to the public by the British.) Such companies as Amazon, Wal-Mart and Target have benefited from my written idea. I have held onto the original records, dated and signed as well.

Today [again, 2 days ago now] it was confirmed from a notable patent attorney contact who wrote me an hour or two after writing him, that I indeed I have all that I need even without an actual patent in order to not only avoid court, and to first get the patent itself, the records are in fact the only necessary items. I had scanned him a copy. Mainly a forty-page writing piece with diagrams, research, analysis and the like.

[Still, 2 days ago…] I’m deciding a sort of vow of poverty in this matter, as within I assume a few moths but I don’t know, and with no fee, I could quadruple my actual net worth which was removed from me because I am mentally ill—perhaps brilliantly “insane” (ugh…) nevertheless, I have chosen to not pursue this, which would simply be a matter of replying “Yes, I’ll hand over the Price Club Quest file,” (he would come out here to avoid any errors or loss of mail via carrier.)

I want my life and I have it today I received likely the greatest gifts via email—miracles. And all I want to do is spend time on my farm, with our horses, goats, donkeys, ducks, dogs, cats and bird. All I want to do is make my little music therapy tunes, my homemade iMovie and YouTube videos, and to help one of my best friends in the world who happens to have once been the most famous person in the world, he now struggles himself.

I have now stabilized for over three months on my medication and therapy regimen for my diagnosis with a rare schizophrenia spectrum disorder with autistic features often presenting me with gifts, “visions’ and miracles. My otherwise bad day does not mean I have a bad life. In the heat of my own otherwise-darkness right now, and my dilemma which is in my favor, I just want to continue what I am doing and decline credit or restitution for simply helping the world in feeling okay with their own mental health issues by offering inspiration when I am able, and to just know of my countless other achievements in film and TV which having entertained millions, and that others in the world, and myself, are able to purchase almost anything on the Internet. I think my job is done.

This might very well be my last actual blog post on Porcelain Utopia and recording on The Real Me Podcast. Things change and we’ll just have to see. I’m just longing for the simpler life, eliminating stress and even the pressure I feel to constantly be producing and creating. It often tends to become too much for me, to feel the need, for the most part all the time, to do. At least I am approaching my work much less as imperatively, so I can focus more on my own health and Life, making choices and decisions, which sometimes change.

I’ve already sent in my letters of resignation as for developing software for Google, Apple and Microsoft. I have saved all my royalty checks from my published anthologies, as the physical checks framed on my wall means more than $50 here, $100 there.

I know who I am and I know what I want. I know that I change. We all change, and we survive. We get though it.

I have put my dent in the world in all arenas of my own craft and they’ve been confirmed. I helped others. I ‘did good’ as we New Yorkers say.

Happy travels on your own path, might you be blessed enough to find it and follow your dreams, not anybody else’s. Trust me. It’ll make you happier, perhaps enlightened.

Thank you for being such a wonderful supportive and considerate audience all this time—I might post now and then in the future, and Porcelain Utopia will be up until 2015 as funding is limited. Other than that I don’t believe much more can or even should be said. I have reached all my goals today, ironically all at once. I can live with that and I can go and watch some TV and listen to more Duran Duran albums as I do every day to help keep me going, at least staying afloat.

[Now… this evening 2 days later on 06 Sept 2012 7:30 PM as I wait for a project to export, here’s a brief update as I was not going to had published the above. But now, regarding those miracles…]

7:20 PM: Speak of the Devil. Having written what is above in order to write for therapy, it turns out this morning I sold a new film and TV program. Wow, I suppose things work out in the end. I had began writing this a day or two earlier, and now, my new medicine regimen has in fact kinked in, plus my network in Hollywood and in the literary world are actually coming through, with over 200 emails and messages every hour now. This is apparently due to all that I’ve been putting such enormous effort into over the past few years, it’s paying off my the hour. I believe this is only the beginning. I am coming back. No, I am back. And I have got it! Here coming on 7:30 PM I think it’s about time to actually post this. It began on Tuesday, and things can really change in a day or two. I will keep you posted on the show and will just keep with the rebuilding of broken links here on this site and adding more posts when I get that miracle of just a little bit of time. Maybe a real God does exist. Always had the hope. And to get back to my professional life. Looking to be on the up and up. I must say I am proud of myself, forgiving and grateful, feeling a peace of mind again and at last.

I sure love to write. But off I go now to cut up more of an upcoming motion picture and moreover its music score for an oblique and surreal feature length film called Prototype. It’s one of those passion projects of mine. It looks like the money will be coming in after all with my television sale. Relief. The contract is simple and being revised slightly overnight. It will be in and done by tomorrow, Friday, the latest by early next week. Can’t wait to let you know about it further, I simply am not at leisure to at the moment. But it’s real and happening. It’s amazing. I want to keep this one safe, friends, and not ‘jinx’ a thing. And Bill Clinton, well, maybe his office will write back at some point. If not, nothing lost, and everything already gained in my opinion.

Again, please take the time to enjoy all the good and beauty Life has to offer, it’s sublime when you are able to see it that way, when you can, realistically.

Since the closing down of Porcelain Utopia in October 2013 Jonathan Harnisch has decrypted as much code and text possible, which thousands of hackers had corrupted breaking through the most sophisticated security software available. The former self hosted WordPress website had wielded single-handedly by Harnisch 25 million hits per day by its end and was written up in the press as the most viral WordPress blog known as it narrated Harnisch’s journey through schizophrenia. This is what remains.

-- Jonathan Harnisch
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10
Jan

Chance Encounter

I competed Chance Encounter while undergoing a dark, deep experience with depression, existential despair and with new tears for old grief. So many people appreciate this film’s inherent beauty. I thank you, all, to God, and to all my fans, friends, and family for playing such a very special role in these short experimental pieces, although perhaps without knowing it. The holiday seasons often bring along a deep sense of nostalgia for good times long gone, from lost film footage in the archives here at the production office to experimenting into the depth of new ground, and new artistic expression with my goal of finding and redefining myself, through my art. A new original soundtrack for these films originally shot on both Super 8 film stock and Hi-8 video, will be developed and inspired by the final cut of The Morning After, Chance Encounter, and Emptying His Pockets. All three films on loss, love, and life will enhance with a revised original score, or soundtrack, over the coming months. Please leave comments, if you would. The responses for all the live cuts of these pieces have inspired me to bring The Morning, which I recommend if you enjoy Chance Encounter, to the film festival circuit. It has been years since I retired from Hollywood film and TV work. It might, however, be time to see what I can do to reconnect with an audience in the world beyond online, once again, in some way, and if not we’ve always had the Internet, after all. Professional financing and marketing, etc., will often cause me a great deal of unwanted stress, which I prefer with not to do. I suffer from rare and comorbid mental health diagnoses, namely those within the schizophrenic and autistic spectrum. My mental illnesses have blessed me over the years with many creative gifts. So, with immense gratitude, I thank you, my muse, my wife, my students, and my family and friends without hesitation. Onward bound, as always.

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10
Jan

My Weakness

Sunday, January 10, 2016

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10
Jan

Jonathan Harnisch | The Genius of a Mentally Ill Mind (2014)

Mental illness, and the brain of a genius.

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9
Jan

I Have Schizophrenia, but Schizophrenia Does Not Have Me

My name is Jonathan Harnisch. I have schizophrenia with psychotic features, but schizophrenia and psychosis do not have me. I cannot distinguish what is real and what is not real. My thoughts, mood and behavior are altered, and they change frequently.
Sometimes I believe that I live in a psychiatric hospital and that my experience is worse than a hellish nightmare. At other times, I don't believe this. I see and interact with people who aren’t there, and I battle through countless other extremely uncomfortable symptoms. I believe that my medical team is currently taking me off all my medication.
My overall goal online is to inspire hope and resilience as a survivor of severe trauma that has led to dissociative disorders and schizophrenia. However, I struggle, not suffer. I post and publish what I want and what I feel, no matter what mood or state of mind I am in. However, I always do my best to keep things positive. I admire people who keep as positive an attitude as they can. Even though we all have our battles and bad days, this simply does not mean that we have a bad life. A negative mind will never give you a positive life.
The world suffers greatly due to the silence of good people. Keep going! Keep hope and faith alive! Living with schizophrenia and, therefore, with a brain that from time to time doesn't work means that my life can become difficult. However, I keep moving ahead, as always, knowing deep down inside that I am a good person and that I am worthy of a good life. Given that I’ve been diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, a brain injury, Tourette’s syndrome, diabetes, anxiety, depression, a rare blood disease, dyslexia, and cancer, I am doing okay. At the end of the storm there is always a golden sky. Writing in general—and writing this piece in particular—helps me by enabling me to stay in the moment and to share my experiences publicly.
I have recently had several days completely to myself, which provided me, at first, with certain feelings of abandonment and more solitude than I would otherwise have wanted, alongside moments of agitation, frustration, and anxiety. These feelings have fluctuated with familiar and comfortable times spent with myself and with my two cats in my home in the guest house of my family’s large property in a small village in New Mexico.
I would like to point out that prior to 2010 I was an extremely wealthy and successful person, which made my precise diagnoses with mental illnesses difficult, as I used to be able to just pay for anything I needed or wanted. This difficulty was increased because of my natural abilities, as I have always been known to be very smart and I have always taken some pride in being so. I have been able to write volumes about my past, but my goal now is to stay as grounded in the present as I am able to be. This is because a change has occurred in me, something perhaps bordering on the profound.
Yesterday, I watched a documentary film called A Sister's Call about a man with schizophrenia, who eventually gets better and better over the years. By the end of this film, I felt a change in myself. During my decline, I lost a great deal of what I had, much like the schizophrenic man portrayed in the movie. I was able to relate in quite a few ways, although I think that the changes in me actually first began years ago, when, as a boy, I would often read about schizophrenia and related conditions, as well as self-help material. I have come to realize what I had, what I have, and what I want so far as this pertains to my health, my lifestyle, and, yes, my life. Independence.
I have been and am still dependent on people, as well as tobacco and medication. I have lost a great deal of my cognitive abilities over the past few years—and a great deal more since earlier this year. I continue my journaling as usual, but I feel different, maybe better, maybe not. There is no cure for schizophrenia.
I have read about living independently. However, I have overlooked the benefits of being able to take care of myself as far as possible. Even this possibility never really crossed my mind. Maybe I just had to see this movie at this particular time. I am glad for once. I know what I want and perhaps what I might even need. Independence. I already have a job and a loving wife and people to help me.
I began to think about how financially lucky I had once been and how, when I lost that, I let my condition get the best of me. I think my illnesses and their unbelievably complex symptoms have given rise to blame and denial. It wasn’t that I changed my thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. Instead, these have changed and shifted inside me. That is how I now see it. Yesterday I started to plan as efficiently and as realistically as possible, given my limitations, fears, and emotional dysregulation. All in all, I’ll see how it goes.
Some bumps have come up already, which is natural, and I’m just giving this independence thing a shot. However, I do have hope. Nothing unrealistic. I have felt a delicate—and relative—equilibrium over the past 24 hours. That is rare. We’ll see how it goes. One day at a time and one step at a time. Easy does it.
Once again, I try to make a good day out of what has been, but I end up hidden inside the fog of schizophrenia and asociality. Asociality refers to the lack of motivation to engage in social interaction, or a preference for solitary activities. Poor social and vocational outcomes have long been observed in schizophrenia.
I do not like interpersonal relationships or schizophrenia. I prefer to be asocial. I know many people miss me. Everybody does. I often miss myself. I sit, as I conclude this right now, completely alone, alone in the dark.
My goal is to raise mental health awareness to put an end to the stigma and maltreatment that occur so often regarding those with mental illness and physical disabilities. I continue to keep hope and faith alive. I will move on. I will move on! Thank you for blessing me with your prayers and well-wishes. I sincerely appreciate you, God, and life. Keep fighting! Let those of us who suffer from or struggle with chronic mental health conditions remember that we might have schizophrenia or a mental illness but it doesn’t have us. We cannot allow it to have us.
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9
Jan

Mental Health Advocate and Author Jonathan Harnisch Suffering Possible Brain Tumor

Mental Health Advocate and Author Jonathan Harnisch Suffering Possible Brain Tumor

Dear Readers, Re Pituitary Tumor: I had been keeping some health conditions and possible health conditions to myself since my hospital visit last month when I almost lost my life. I might have to get an MRI due to my rare blood condition, this, aside from my complex mental health conditions, primarily those within the schizophrenia spectrum syndrome likely set on by complex trauma. But I have reason to live. Regarding a possible cyst in my pituitary gland and losing vision, I'll write a bit about some of the "consider me as a rare case," material I have been gathering since December, though. Currently, nobody medially is immediately concerned, so things look okay enough for now. I have just been getting blood tests and making consistent and continuous visits to the hospital and endocrinologist. My apologies, for I can barely type, with nausea and lack of control over my fingers, I'll see if I can drop this text into one of the editing programs I use to write my literature. Before reading what is below, please know that if my latest blood test, which tested for quite some possibilities complicated by thy antipsychotic medication I am on, the cyst is likely benign but if it is not, it apparently treated with medication, pituitary tumors (adenomas) that do not secrete active hormones, clinically nonfunctioning pituitary adenomas. Most are large (macroadenomas), measuring more than one centimeter in size at the time of diagnosis. Patients start experiencing symptoms when the giant tumor compresses the optic nerves, leading to vision loss, or the loss of normal pituitary function. Clinically nonfunctioning pituitary adenomas make up about half of pituitary adenomas. The vast majority of them are benign. There are several possible reasons why nonfunctioning pituitary adenomas could occur: Typically, the body produces hormones by taking a larger molecule and cutting it at the right places to create a functioning hormone. In some cases, something is wrong with this cutting process, and a "functional" hormone fails production. The hormone might still travel into the bloodstream, but it is inactive and usually cannot be detected using standard blood tests. In some cases, the hormone might be formed inside the cell, but there is something wrong with the transport process that is required to release it into the bloodstream. In other cases, the tumor cells do not produce a hormone. The most common symptoms are due to the large tumor compressing nearby structures, leading to vision loss/vision with Bitemporal Hemianopsia: When large pituitary adenomas (macroadenomas) grow upward into the brain cavity, the tumor can elevate and compress the optic chiasm. A loss of the outer peripheral vision called a bitemporal hemianopsia. When severe, a patient can only see what is directly in front of them; many patients do not become aware of their visual loss until it is quite difficult. Other obvious problems include Loss of visual acuity (blurry vision), especially if the macroadenoma grows forward and compresses an optic nerve. Inability to recognize colors as brightly as usual. I just want to live to be 40 on January 17th, 2016. I have hope. Thank you, Jonathan Harnisch. 
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8
Jan

Lover in the Nobody by Jonathan Harnisch | Starred Blue Ink Book Review

This just out! Phenomenal, fantastic and perfect book review on my novel Lover in the Nobody, up for National Book Award! I am so happy, proud, and to be honest quite surprised. Perhaps my most well-written work from the Alibiography series! Oh my goodness! My work is not for all. I often mention in interviews, and so forth, I will often use erotica as a narrative device to inspire mental health awareness, recovery, and advocacy, which is by far my calling, as they say, mental health, and in particular, disabilities within the schizophrenia spectrum syndrome. I am so happy and grateful today! Have a terrific day to each and every on of you! More inspiration to come as usual, through thick and thin, my overall goal is to continue inspiring courage, resilience nd perhaps "education" and mental health advocacy as an author of over a dozen literary novels last year. 
-- #JonathanHarnisch
Here it is!
Lover in the Nobody by Jonathan Harnisch
Reviewed: January 8th, 2016

Equal parts existential nihilism and fetishistic erotica, this darkly hypnotic novel—in which the lines between reality and delusion are hopelessly blurred—chronicles a mentally ill man’s search for meaning in his life or, at least, some kind of profound corporeal satisfaction.
Georgie Gust, who has Tourette’s syndrome and may be schizophrenic, is also a hardcore masochist and foot fetishist and believes that finding the “everlasting orgasm” is what he needs to change his life. The son of independently wealthy parents, Gust has frequented kinky sex clubs for years without any real fulfillment. But when he becomes enamored with his next-door neighbor—a middle-aged paramedic named Claudia—he offers to pay her to be his torturer, his “personal trainer in pain.”
But the fiery redhead takes her job a little too seriously, and the humiliation quickly escalates to brutal, life-threatening assaults. His alluring dominatrix with the “perfect, long, skinny toes” is quickly transformed into a psychotic madwoman who is systematically destroying his life: “…that bitch, that whore, that woman I love and hate. She created a paradise and then set it aflame. She is my world and its end, my kinky sex goddess, my creepy-crawly nemesis.”
The brilliance of this storyline—and it is brilliant—is in the author’s use of the unreliable narrator. The novel begins with Gust in a psych ward after an apparent suicide attempt. As his story unfolds, the reader is introduced to Ben, who may be Gust’s limo driver, a figment of his imagination, or an alter ego. The reader is never quite sure until the very end — when a bombshell revelation turns the entire narrative upside down.
Lover in the Nobody is a poignant exploration into the world of mental illness that is simultaneously deeply disturbing and salaciously spellbinding. It is sure to resonate with readers long after the last page is turned.
Also available in ebook.
—Starred Blue Ink Book Review
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8
Jan

Embrace Your Imperfections

Imperfection is lovable. Just for today, let’s let ourselves be exactly who we are. We must embrace our imperfections. Perfection is boring. Our imperfections are what make us truly beautiful. There is no need to be perfect, to inspire others. Let's allow others to be inspired by how we deal with our flaws, our imperfections, the circumstances that cause us to feel inadequate. After all, to conquer our shortcomings, we must accept them. We are all beautifully flawed. Beautifully imperfect. Beautifully... us. 
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7
Jan

JONATHAN HARNISCH | SCHIZOPHRENIA

Mental Health

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1
Jan

Jonathan Harnisch | Friday, January 1, 2016

Friday, January 1, 2016

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1
Jan