New literary fiction by author Jonathan Harnisch, first edit. I am already drugged. I was, I am, and I have always lived in my own private hyperreality. That is what all of this, these words, the disjointedness, and the following fragmentation to come, the variation, and the skewed view of time, space, self, and others, and everything, is about. My consciousness has not been able to distinguish reality from a simulation of reality. I do not live in any technologically advanced postmodern society. I do not live. I do not die. I am a walking thought. I am a collection of them. I am myself. I am you. I am everybody on the earth plane who has ever lived. I am everyone who has not, and this confuses me at times. I am not God, nor a god, nor anything, nor being of the Divine. I am nothing but a recorder of collected thoughts and pieces of the world. There is no point. There is nothing. There is everything. And I am a tiny representation of a speck of hyperreality itself. That would be the best way to put it, at least for now. One might simply consider me completely insane.
It is astounding how individuals who are brilliant go unnoticed due to certain features of their internal and external selves. This is exactly the case with the author Jonathan Harnisch in his book, Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography. In the simplest terms, I would compare the book to an infinite merry-go-round due to the sporadic nature and continuous delusions that made me question my own sanity. Jonathan is diagnosed with a whole spectrum of disorders, but one that stands out the most in the book is his diagnosis with Schizoaffective Disorder. Throughout the book, the author relived his moments of delusions, hallucinations, and despair to give an illustration of what the mind of an individual with schizoaffective disorder is like. The illustration resembled a foggy early morning in spring when walking outside and can’t see your hand in front of you. You may not be able to see your hand but you know that it is there. This is the case with the book. Ben knew he was there but couldn’t find himself due to the chaos that his own mind created.
I’m not sure we’re on the same page regarding my writing to you. It was my understanding you just wanted me to write to you; however, in the email you sent your therapist and me, you seemed to think I was writing regarding all you’ve lost. I’d never do that, primarily because although I agree you’ve lost things throughout your life, we all have, and further, you’ve gained a great deal since 2006.
CBT Techniques: The Red Yellow Green Strategy and Timeout Therapy | Brand New Podcast Episode 210: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Session: iTunes | Podcasts | Schizophrenia Raw by Jonathan Harnisch: Thursday, July 16, 2015 | Summary: We discussed a number of different issues: First I reported that I, at times, run through my supplies of water, soda, etc., faster than expected. My therapist thinks this may be something we can easily take note of and alter in terms of how much is stored for my convenience over the weekends. Second, we discussed the "red, yellow, green" strategy. Sounds like red and green are pretty straightforward, but the yellow gets a little more complicated. My psychologist mentioned that he could communicate to my caregiver that when I am in yellow, she should let me initiate and lead the interactions. In other words, she shouldn't ask to hang out when I am in yellow. And she may say "hello", etc., but not expect a response when I am in yellow. My doctor explains that when I am in yellow there can be some pressure for me still to "perform" interpersonally and the whole point of the color-coded system is to take this pressure off of me! Of course, if I myself, initiate hanging out, or pleasantries with my caregiver, she can certainly take me up on it. The other side of the coin is that my caregiver won't be "showing she cares" if I am in yellow and don't initiate pleasantries, however. Simply because she is trying to respect my space. Third, regarding Annie, our attack dog, my therapist mentioned that it may be a good idea to see if she can be trained to not threaten you over the next few weeks. If, on the other hand, she is unable to behave herself, and continues to make me feel uncomfortable we should discuss other options. Forth, my cognitive behavioral therapist mentioned that these other options may include sending our dog to a different home, but I may want to cease from mentioning having her killed. It may have been a figure of speech, but unfortunately my wife took it seriously. Otherwise, I think I continue and my doctor agrees that I utilize my “time-outs,” etc., well, and my doctor encourages me to keep it up! Great therapy session!
Inside a therapy session between Jonathan Harnisch, who lives with mental illness and his cognitive behavioral therapist on Thursday, July 2, 2015.