The Fragmentation Podcast

31
Dec

Jonathan Harnisch | My Nocturnal Sin

An impressionist and surrealist film where lost love and grief are entwined

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31
Dec

Jonathan Harnisch | Celebrating A Remarkable 2015!

Dear friends, wonderful fans and supporters, Wishing you a Happy New Year with the hope that you will have many blessings in the year to come. Out with the old, in with the new: may you be happy the whole year. Happy New Year! -- Jonathan Harnisch
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31
Dec
29
Dec

Phone Call to Father

PHONE CALL TO FATHER - HD 1080p ‪#‎FILM‬ 

Jonathan Harnisch | Tuesday, December 29, 2015Family Matters | It Is About Love | ‪#‎HARNISCHFILM‬ via @jwharnisch

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29
Dec
29
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | CELEBRATING A REMARKABLE 2015!

 CELEBRATING A REMARKABLE 2015! #‎HARNISCHFILM VIA @JWHARNISCH 
-- JONATHAN HARNISCH FILM
AUTHOR | MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE | SCHIZOPHRENIA | ARTIST | BLOGGER | PODCAST HOST | PATENT HOLDER | HEDGE FUND MANAGER | FILM & TV PRODUCER | MUSICIAN
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28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | AMAZON.COM AUTHOR PAGE VIDEO

Amazon.com: Jonathan Harnisch: Books, Biography, Blog ...

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28
Dec
28
Dec

MANIC MONDAY | DECEMBER 21 2015 | SCHIZOPHRENIC BILLIONAIRE | TRAILER

Monday of the Fourth Week of Advent

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28
Dec
28
Dec
28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | MONDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2015 MOVIE (2)

Monday, December 28, 2015

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28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | MONDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2015 MOVIE

Monday, December 28, 2015

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28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH - THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE - CHRISTMAS EVE 2015

A Jonathan Harnisch Film Thursday, December 24, 2015

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28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | OMG! I’M ON #TV! :)

JONATHAN HARNISCH:
AUTHOR | MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE | SCHIZOPHRENIA | ARTIST | BLOGGER | PODCAST HOST | PATENT HOLDER | HEDGE FUND MANAGER | FILM & TV PRODUCER | MUSICIAN

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28
Dec

JONATHAN HARNISCH | MY WEAKNESS

Monday December 21, 2015

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28
Dec

Lover in the Nobody First Edition by Jonathan Harnisch (Best-Selling Fiction Author)

Equal parts existential nihilism and fetishistic erotica, this darkly hypnotic novel--in which the lines between reality and delusion are hopelessly blurred--chronicles a mentally ill man's search for meaning in his life, or at least some kind of profound corporeal satisfaction.
Georgie Gust, who has Tourette's syndrome and may be schizophrenic, is also a hardcore masochist and foot fetishist and believes that finding the "everlasting orgasm" is what he needs to change his life. The son of independently wealthy parents, Gust has frequented kinky sex clubs for years without any real fulfillment. But when he becomes enamored with his next-door neighbor--a middle-aged paramedic named Claudia--he offers to pay her to be his torturer, his "personal trainer in pain."
But the fiery redhead takes her job a little too seriously and the humiliation quickly escalates to brutal, life-threatening assaults. His alluring dominatrix with the "perfect, long, skinny toes" is quickly transformed into a psychotic madwoman who is systematically destroying his life: "...that bitch, that whore, that woman I love and hate. She created a paradise and then set it aflame. She is my world and its end, my kinky sex goddess, my creepy-crawly nemesis."
The brilliance of this storyline--and it is brilliant--is in the author's use of the unreliable narrator. The novel begins with Gust in a psych ward after an apparent suicide attempt. As his story unfolds, the reader is introduced to Ben, who may be Gust's limo driver, a figment of his imagination, or an alter ego. The reader is never quite sure until the very end -- when a bombshell revelation turns the entire narrative upside down.
Lover in the Nobody is a poignant exploration into the world of mental illness that is simultaneously deeply disturbing and salaciously spellbinding. It is sure to resonate with readers long after the last page is turned.
-- BlueInk Review
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28
Dec

THERE’S A FINE LINE BETWEEN GENIUS AND MADNESS. I HAVE ONCE AGAIN DELETED THIS LINE.

THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN GENIUS AND MADNESS. I HAVE ONCE AGAIN DELETED THIS LINE. -- Jonathan Harnisch 
Lover in the Nobody Paperback – December 15, 2014
by Jonathan Harnisch (Author) $9.99 on Amazon.com … and the reviews keep coming in….
A young man battling extreme mental illness brings his sadomasochistic fantasies to life in Harnisch's (Sex, Drugs, and Schizophrenia, 2014, etc.) latest novel.
As this riveting story opens, Georgie Gust, a suicidal Tourette's syndrome patient, tells his doctor he wants to leave the mental institution where he's been committed. When the doctor puts him off, Gust finds himself buffeted by violent fantasies of escape, and he even prepares to hang himself. The novel plunges readers into the mind of a man at war with his own urges, memories, and sexual obsessions. After a scene shift, Gust's chauffeur, Ben, delivers him to his empty home, where Margaret, his only friend, visits to check on him. However, she annoys him because "she seems to care." Later, Gust, a foot fetishist, gives a pedicure to his sexy neighbor, Claudia, in a scene lit with unexpected poetry and poignancy. As the narrative viewpoint flickers among Gust, Ben, and a quasi-omniscient third-person perspective, Gust's voracious appetite for pain prompts him to hire Claudia to torment him. (He has wealthy parents, so he spends cash liberally.) When Claudia's house goes up in flames, she moves in with him, and their sadomasochistic bond descends into extraordinary, hallucinatory violence. In Claudia's hands, Gust discovers new depths of masochism, and she finds joy in tormenting him. Despite the garishness, brutality, and squalor of many passages (which are not for the squeamish), more sophisticated readers will appreciate the extraordinary feat Harnisch has accomplished. He lucidly, poignantly conveys a mind riven with what are, after all, human vulnerabilities: mental pathologies, shameful fantasies, anguished doubts about the natures of reality, love, and memory. In the hands of a lesser writer, these themes would splinter the narrative. Fortunately, the author masters his material; readers will believe the voices that vivify it and compassionately wish them to find the healing that eludes them.
An extraordinary, harrowing odyssey into an embattled self, full of humor, compassion, and a rare understanding of mental illness.
--Kirkus Reviews
*STARRED REVIEW
Lover in the Nobody by Jonathan Harnisch
(Reviewed: December, 2015)
Equal parts existential nihilism and fetishistic erotica, this darkly hypnotic novel--in which the lines between reality and delusion are hopelessly blurred--chronicles a mentally ill man's search for meaning in his life, or at least some kind of profound corporeal satisfaction.
Georgie Gust, who has Tourette's syndrome and may be schizophrenic, is also a hardcore masochist and foot fetishist and believes that finding the "everlasting orgasm" is what he needs to change his life. The son of independently wealthy parents, Gust has frequented kinky sex clubs for years without any real fulfillment. But when he becomes enamored with his next-door neighbor--a middle-aged paramedic named Claudia--he offers to pay her to be his torturer, his "personal trainer in pain."
But the fiery redhead takes her job a little too seriously and the humiliation quickly escalates to brutal, life-threatening assaults. His alluring dominatrix with the "perfect, long, skinny toes" is quickly transformed into a psychotic madwoman who is systematically destroying his life: "...that bitch, that whore, that woman I love and hate. She created a paradise and then set it aflame. She is my world and its end, my kinky sex goddess, my creepy-crawly nemesis."
The brilliance of this storyline--and it is brilliant--is in the author's use of the unreliable narrator. The novel begins with Gust in a psych ward after an apparent suicide attempt. As his story unfolds, the reader is introduced to Ben, who may be Gust's limo driver, a figment of his imagination, or an alter ego. The reader is never quite sure until the very end -- when a bombshell revelation turns the entire narrative upside down.
Lover in the Nobody is a poignant exploration into the world of mental illness that is simultaneously deeply disturbing and salaciously spellbinding. It is sure to resonate with readers long after the last page is turned.
-- BlueInk Review
An extraordinary, harrowing odyssey into an embattled self, full of humor, compassion, and a rare understanding of mental illness.
-- Kirkus Reviews 
The characters' conversation seems stiff and "literary." 
-- Judge, 23rd Annual Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards
Call me crazy, but in the end of the day I just want to be happy, and I am! -- Jonathan Harnisch
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28
Dec

Starred Book Review of Lover in the Nobody by Jonathan Harnisch

STARRED REVIEW
Lover in the Nobody
Jonathan Harnisch
CreateSpace, 174 pages, (paperback) $9.99, 978-1505562460 (Reviewed: December, 2015)
Equal parts existential nihilism and fetishistic erotica, this darkly hypnotic novel—in which the lines between reality and delusion are hopelessly blurred—chronicles a mentally ill man’s search for meaning in his life, or at least some kind of profound corporeal satisfaction.
Georgie Gust, who has Tourette’s syndrome and may be schizophrenic, is also a hardcore masochist and foot fetishist and believes that finding the “everlasting orgasm” is what he needs to change his life. The son of independently wealthy parents, Gust has frequented kinky sex clubs for years without any real fulfillment. But when he becomes enamored with his next-door neighbor—a middle-aged paramedic named Claudia—he offers to pay her to be his torturer, his “personal trainer in pain.”
But the fiery redhead takes her job a little too seriously and the humiliation quickly escalates to brutal, life-threatening assaults. His alluring dominatrix with the “perfect, long, skinny toes” is quickly transformed into a psychotic madwoman who is systematically destroying his life: “...that bitch, that whore, that woman I love and hate. She created a paradise and then set it aflame. She is my world and its end, my kinky sex goddess, my creepy-crawly nemesis.”
The brilliance of this storyline—and it is brilliant—is in the author’s use of the unreliable narrator. The novel begins with Gust in a psych ward after an apparent suicide attempt. As his story unfolds, the reader is introduced to Ben, who may be Gust’s limo driver, a figment of his imagination, or an alter ego. The reader is never quite sure until the very end — when a bombshell revelation turns the entire narrative upside down.
Lover in the Nobody is a poignant exploration into the world of mental illness that is simultaneously deeply disturbing and salaciously spellbinding. It is sure to resonate with readers long after the last page is turned.
— BlueInk Review
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28
Dec

When We Were Invincible Paperback Second Edition

Written in the vein of Catcher in the Rye or The World According to Garp, Jonathan Harnisch’s When We Were Invincible is a coming-of-age novella, which details the experiences of outsider Georgie Gust navigating the fictional St. Michael’s Academy, a prestigious East Coast boarding school. Georgie suffers from Tourette’s Syndrome and early onset schizophrenia, which makes his journey all the more poignant.

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28
Dec

The Brutal Truth Paperback First Edition

Jonathan Harnisch is an “artist, dreamer, man on a mission, and human being just like you.” He is also “a deeply troubled and disturbed person,” who lives with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder. He is committed to sharing his unique life online in order to help others. Through a relentless, direct encounter with his schizophrenic self and thoughts, Harnisch offers a rare insight into this often misunderstood disorder. Extraordinarily, the message is one of resilience and hope, finding rare wisdom through enduring and learning to understand his psychotic episodes. Rather than retreating into his own troubles, Harnisch journeys inside himself in order to understand the humanity that he shares with others: “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of the world but those who fight and win battles that others do not know anything about.” For all its fearless honesty, The Brutal Truth is throughout an affirmation of life. As Harnisch says, “I write and publish what I want and what I feel, no matter what mood or state of mind I am in, but I always do my best to keep things positive.” After all, he knows that he is “a legitimate, loving, grateful, and spiritual human being who deserves to be loved and accepted and who deserves to make decisions, to make mistakes, and to be forgiven.” The Brutal Truth shows that it is by acknowledging the schizophrenic experience that we can come to understand and deal with it. Harnisch’s essays offer daring descriptions of what it is like to live—moment upon moment—with schizophrenia. These essays are written to help others undergoing mental disorders. They will also help those who want to better understand what their loved ones are going through so that they can help them more effectively and more compassionately. But these essays are not just for those affected by psychiatric disorders. All readers will feel enriched after spending time with Harnisch in this extraordinary and too often untold schizophrenic world. As Harnisch says, “We schizophrenics, through our psychosis—our delusions, our hallucinations, our reality—create or develop a story.” Seldom has the schizophrenic story been told with such unflinching honesty and truth.

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28
Dec

Living Colorful Beauty Paperback Second Edition

Living Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride. 

In Living Colorful Beauty, author Jonathan Harnisch tells the story of Ben, a man diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, schizoaffective disorder, and several other issues. Ever since his youth, Ben has been both plagued by mental illness and obsessed with venality. As he navigates through an unstable, directionless life and leaves a string of shattered romances in his wake, he generates a fictional character, Georgie Gust, to deal with his many paraphilias and neuroses. But with the introduction of a new psychotherapist, Ben may have a chance to let go of his doppelgänger as well as his overwhelming insecurity. 

Though the book is saturated with Ben's sexuality, its prevailing theme is actually his struggle to come to terms with his mental health. The entire book reads like a Freudian therapy session, so the ultimate resolution of Ben's problems is appropriate. Ben's internal creative process is integral to the book's effectiveness, since much of the psychoanalysis Ben receives seems to come from himself through the lens of his fictional creation, Georgie. The book features an almost claustrophobic amount of navel-gazing, which may be intentional. At times, the reading experience leaves no doubt as to how the book's main character could drive himself crazy with his recursive, obsessive self-examination. 

Ben and Georgie have an interesting and nuanced relationship. At times Ben seems completely unable to control his double while simultaneously being one with him. He often reassures himself that his creation is the inferior man, citing Georgie's pumpkin-like body as the reason that nobody will ever want him. On the other hand, of the two of them, Georgie seems to have the more active love life. Ben reaches for emotional intimacy through relationship after relationship, but his illness, issues with women, and physical demands--the Georgie in him--constantly hamper his progress. 

As the narrator, Ben's point of view colors all of the other characters. Several of these, in addition to Georgie, are or may be fictional, mere expressions of Ben's illness. This is especially true of the women in Ben's life. There are comparatively very few men in this story, but the women are usually of a seductive and even predatory type. Ben aggressively sizes up the ladies he knows, from his girlfriends to his therapist, in terms of their attractiveness, perhaps in an attempt to balance the scales, since in his own perception, women are domineering copies of his own terrifying mother. Part of Ben's evolution is to move toward a valuing of women beyond his mother issues, a satisfying direction for this character to travel. 

Living Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride that ends on a hopeful note. It may interest fans of Charles Bukowski and Tom Robbins. 

ANNA CALL (November 19, 2015) 
-- Foreword Clarion Reviews
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21
Dec

Surviving and Thriving

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I want to see. My world used to be worth living for, but now it's hard enough just to be me.
Life is short, but it's also wide. So to my dear friends, fans, and readers, just for today, I'm done. I am done crying, fighting, and trying. I am just done. Ever feel this way? I sure do. But I feel I should be rewarded for my struggles and my pain. I will win. So my wish to all of you is that you never, ever, ever, give up! Don't you dare give up. Make a fucking plan and work for it, every single day, hour, minute, and moment.
If you want something badly enough, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse. There are only two options: Make progress or make excuses. No more fucking excuses! Excuses be gone! To quote Pope John Paul the Second: "An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded." Are excuses more important than your dreams? Live. Live life. Be happy.
Some days you have to say "screw it, I did what I could today" and just let go of all the stuff you wanted to do. Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human. Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep the faith. It will all be worth it in the end. I am thankful for my struggle because otherwise I wouldn't have stumbled across my strength. You will survive through hard times. Just believe that things will work out.
I could go on and on, but I resist the temptation. Sometimes you have to hold on to your sanity. There are people that have achieved mastery by making you believe that you are the crazy one. Just hang in there. We are all survivors of something. We all have the scars to prove it! Just keep going. Just keep going. We've got the power! You can do it; we can all fucking do it.
I feel so passionate about this right now. I feel realistic and optimistic, all the while knowing that my moments, seconds, and hours bring change, all sorts of change. I think of turning this diatribe into a longer writing excise, perhaps a blog post or the beginning of my new book, The Brutal Truth—a book written as an affirmation of life. Keep calm, and breathe, one breath at a time, accepting, when you can, each battle, no matter how big or small, one step at a time. Take baby steps, if you will. Great times lie sparkling ahead.
Does my life preach louder than my writing? I hope so. However, realistically, sometimes it's hard to practice what I preach. I think this is common for many. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant of inspiration—my introduction. I am an author that mainly writes erotic and transgressive fiction, often with very disturbing clarity and embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love. My professional writing is known to use pornography as a narrative device. This has attracted much criticism, but I try to keep it real.
The bottom line for my literature is to inspire hope, inviting others to question themselves, their reality, and their sanity by sharing my complicated experiences as a result of my diagnosis with schizophrenia. My work has been considered brilliant, and I keep at it. My point in mentioning this is that I have a heart that speaks. I am who I am. That is for sure. Honest, brazen, and often uncensored—with a stream-of-thought style. I invite you, my readers, to allow the brutal truth to sink in. Take what you want and leave the rest. I write from pure passion at the moment and that will change naturally according to my fluctuating brain chemistry. I feel fucking inspired, determined, uncut, and raw.
Please understand we are all human beings. We all fuck, up, and we all have our triumphs. We overcome—even if sometimes there is no closure. I try to get by—today—just like everyone else. What is the truth, the brutal truth? What is the final answer to all life's dilemmas, to all our vacillations of mood, thought, and perception, to all our triumphs and losses? Jesus, I don’t fucking know. I don’t think anybody does. The invitation here is to question the truth yourself, over and over again. What about the grief, phlegm, delusion, reality, response, confusion, complications, and clarifications that we feel the need to explain in order to be understood? Or perhaps we don’t feel the need to explain?
My desire is not to be understood. I can’t even understand myself. Why is there be a need to be understood rather than just noticed, loved, hated, and rejected? Why can’t we simply be seen as lost as we all are—failed and flawed? The brutal truth for me is, at times, a sense, perhaps an emotional sensation—feeling bankruptcy, the bankruptcy of mind, body, spirit, and soul. What is the purpose of life? What is its affirmation? What are these big questions, these inspiring quotes we find online, and these gimmicks that are seen and sold on TV? Who are these fake people, real people, fake friends, real friends, enemies, and supporters that show concern, blame, apologize, and excuse? I just don't know.
I would like to share something I wrote on my private Facebook page: "I don't post much on this personal page. I get scared. I lie. I use people, and I suffer. No, I struggle, not suffer. I deactivate my account only to come back. I get frustrated, angry, and mad. I'm crazy, by definition. I am mad. I'm schizophrenic, and I often don't enjoy the decline, but I took my morning medication a minute ago and put on Duran Duran—they are playing on my favorite music playlist real loud. 5:15 AM. I realize that no, I am not scared. I am fucking determined. I'm a badass motherfucker. I'm the ‘King of Mental Illness.’ I'm smart as hell. No, I am brilliant! I love myself. I have a good heart. I'm beautiful. I'm often miserable. I live life. I live. I survive. I win. I lose. I rule. I rock the mic. I love music. I'm not stopping. I'm writing, posting, and publishing what I want and what I wish. Even with typos if they happen. I'm posting my accomplishments. My stuff. I'm barely awake still, but I kick it. Can I kick it? Can I get over the past? Can I get over the loss of my friends here on Facebook and in life? No, probably not. I kick it good. I am Jonathan. I am a living, breathing person, I am a survivor, and I know it. For today, I am just trying to get by, and I am unable to choose between different courses of action and opinions. I continuously waver through all the storms and sunshine. I keep hope and faith alive. I am doing my best as always, for whatever that's worth. My existence in itself gives me a reason to love, survive, and thrive—overall. And that's enough for now.”
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20
Dec

Jonathan Harnisch | The Genius of a Mentally Ill Mind

Second Alibi: The Banality of Life by Jonathan Harnisch

From Arts & Entertainment
"Genius. I loved this book."

From Worldnews Network
"This story is now shedding light on the experiences of schizophrenics in a language that the non-sufferer can understand."

From WOWK 13 News, W.Va, WV
"Harnisch's sense of the inner machinations of human experience spring into life through the text." 

From Editor, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life 
"My brain was spinning by the end. It's brilliant."

What...is it like to suffer from...schizophrenia combined with...Tourette's syndrome? ...[Harnisch's] answers to such questions and the ways in which they are portrayed prove complex. Mixing diary entries...with a screenplay...messages are often jumbled though not without merit, [as] when the narrator announces that "I had a paranoid spell last night. [My wife] was texting me, and I was convinced that it was my stepmother impersonating my wife." Wildly varied in style and content, making for an informative and strange trip through the experience of mental disorders.
-- Kirkus Reviews [Print Magazine Featured Book]

Afflicted with schizophrenia, Tourette's Syndrome and other mental illnesses, the prolific and gifted Jonathan Harnisch has transformed the harrowing raw material of his life into what he calls "transgressive fiction" in semi-autobiographical novels such as Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography and Living Colorful Beauty. With Second Alibi: The Banality of Life, he revisits the abrasive, triangular psychodrama of his brilliant, questing psychotic Ben Schreiber, Ben's libertine alter-ego, Georgie Gust, and the sadistic temptress, Claudia Nesbitt, who torments them both, while also including a moving plea for understanding that stands apart from the disturbed fevers of his fiction. 
This is a story, I hope, about my coming to enlightenment," Harnisch writes, and in that vein he enlightens us, too, about the fantastic terrors of schizophrenia: "What this life is like with the ups and the downs, the confusion, the love and the hate; the black and the white." He tells us about his moods abruptly shifting 25 times in an hour, his suicide attempts and addictions, the grim realities of sleep deprivation and the fear that his beloved wife has been reading his mind. 
Second Alibi toggles unpredictably between semi-coherent rage (Harnisch says he often writes when symptomatic) and cool detachment, and it deploys several forms: Harnisch's sexually-charged fiction (Claudia is "a slow-moving serpent with a tongue of fire and the ass of a bombshell"); a 106-page screenplay featuring dialogues between Ben and his old antagonists, and with his life-saving therapist, "Dr. C"; self-lacerating entries from "Georgie Gust's" 2005 diary, and the author's clear explanations of his condition, apparently written at moments when his symptoms have subsided. 
At times, Harnisch is energized by the very power of his illness. "The mind and the sickness is all so sublime," he writes, "the heart of living, colorful beauty." But in his most lucid moments, this brave and eloquent writer struggles mightily to escape the dark woods of madness: "As always, my journey continues, on and on."
-- BlueInk Review

Harnisch's words and images dance vividly and repeat themselves in strange succession; even his most self-conscious writing has rhythmic energy and flair.
Jonathan Harnisch doesn't so much showcase literary genius as he grapples with it in his experimental autobiography, Second Alibi: The Banality of Life. Genius is a creative spirit he chases. When he gets his hands on it, when genius possesses him, the results are stunning. Parts of Second Alibi radiate with originality.
With a self-referential postmodern style reminiscent of William Burroughs, Harnisch chronicles his hell-bent search for personal truth. Diagnosed with schizophrenia and other mental disorders, he explores all aspects of his personality: his alter ego, Ben; his alter ego's alter ego, Georgie; and their mutual love interest, Claudia. Harnisch wrangles to the page episodes of madness and lucidity, hospitalizations, hallucinations, love affairs. He searches every experience for meaning, sometimes exhaustively, and offers up whatever truth he can.
If there's fault in Harnisch's methodology, it's that he overanalyzes and micromanages his own creative process. For example, the book's third act flounders in a sea of platitudinous journal entries about living with mental illness, the writing process, the progress of his manuscript, and his ultimate aspirations as a writer. Although well-intentioned, the entries become preening and laborious. At one point, the author admits, "I feel like I am forcing this writing."
The book's first and second acts are much stronger--the first relayed in stream-of-consciousness passages, and the second in the form of a screenplay. In the first act, Harnisch produces the stuff of poetry. His words and images dance vividly and repeat themselves in strange succession: "The living, colorful sound of the mysterious telephone still haunts us, even me. It rings and rings, again and again." In these passages, even his most self-conscious writing has rhythmic energy and flair: "The sensation of sensational sex and blue movies, the characters and chaos, onslaughts of sketches, prototypes ... of expanding pounding putty and pus, some sex and violence. I'm built for it."
The second act, the screenplay, offers the book's most absorbing and sharply written drama. Harnisch appears to be a natural in the medium, exploring past trauma through scene and dialogue. The screenplay ends with amazing profundity. "And sometimes you just have to listen to the sounds of your life," Ben says. "That kind of silence. That deep remarkable hollow stuff."
Second Alibi provides an honest window into the "hollow stuff." Harnisch is at his best, though, when he leaves his inner critic behind and allows his creativity to color the world around him.
-- Foreword Clarion Reviews
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20
Dec

Life Sucks I’m Just Trying To Live It (2015) Trailer

Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It (2015) Trailer
This little hidden gem of a video just might change your life as it did for me documenting three days in the intensive care unit at the UNM Sandoval Regional Medical Center in northern Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Sometimes leaving is harder than staying. "I use my experiences, good and bad to inspire and I will not stop... This is one sentence in this life story I'm writing and I'm not the editor and there are typos..." — Jonathan Harnisch, 'Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It' (2015).
Watch Now:
20
Dec

Second Alibi | The Banality of Life by Jonathan Harnisch | Preview

Jonathan Harnisch's struggles with his mental health conditions are interlinked with the incomprehension of non-sufferers, which provokes him to explain his reality. He has explored a range of media, including film, music, and now the written word, to help the general public understand exactly what it feels like to suffer from schizophrenia. By fictionalizing the day-to-day meetings of multiple personalities, he is illuminating a corner of psychiatry that few understand. As an author with schizophrenia, Jonathan Harnisch is ideally placed to share the unusual perception commonly defined as 'mental illness'. Harnisch is not dealing with an altered reality, but a double reality. His main characters, Ben Schreiber and Georgie Gust, perfectly illustrate how two lives can share the same body.

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20
Dec

SECOND ALIBI JONATHAN HARNISCH | FINÁLE | TIME. THE END. RATHER, NO END…

Jonathan Harnisch's struggles with his mental health conditions are interlinked with the incomprehension of non-sufferers, which provokes him to explain his reality. He has explored a range of media, including film, music, and now the written word, to help the general public understand exactly what it feels like to suffer from schizophrenia. By fictionalizing the day-to-day meetings of multiple personalities, he is illuminating a corner of psychiatry that few understand. As an author with schizophrenia, Jonathan Harnisch is ideally placed to share the unusual perception commonly defined as 'mental illness'. Harnisch is not dealing with an altered reality, but a double reality. His main characters, Ben Schreiber and Georgie Gust, perfectly illustrate how two lives can share the same body.

00:0000:00
19
Dec

Life Sucks I’m Just Trying To Live It (2015)

This little hidden gem of a video just might change your life as it did for me documenting three days in the intensive care unit at the UNM Sandoval Regional Medical Center in northern Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Sometimes leaving is harder than staying. "I use my experiences, good and bad to inspire and I will not stop... This is one sentence in this life story I'm writing and I'm not the editor and there are typos..." 

— Jonathan Harnisch, 'Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It' (2015).
Watch Now:
19
Dec

INTRODUCING LIVING COLORFUL BEAUTY BY JONATHAN HARNISCH

INTRODUCING LIVING COLORFUL BEAUTY BY JONATHAN HARNISCH (AUTHOR) PAPERBACK – OCTOBER 19, 2015 | EDITORIAL BOOK REVIEWS | RATING: 5 STARS - BOOK REVIEW BY ANNA CALL https://www.forewordreviews.com/rev…/living-colorful-beauty/
Genre: Literary › Mental Health › Schizophrenia
Living Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride.
In Living Colorful Beauty, author Jonathan Harnisch tells the story of Ben, a man diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, schizoaffective disorder, and several other issues. Ever since his youth, Ben has been both plagued by mental illness and obsessed with venality. As he navigates through an unstable, directionless life and leaves a string of shattered romances in his wake, he generates a fictional character, Georgie Gust, to deal with his many paraphilias and neuroses. But with the introduction of a new psychotherapist, Ben may have a chance to let go of his doppelgänger as well as his overwhelming insecurity.
Though the book is saturated with Ben's sexuality, its prevailing theme is actually his struggle to come to terms with his mental health. The entire book reads like a Freudian therapy session, so the ultimate resolution of Ben's problems is appropriate. Ben's internal creative process is integral to the book's effectiveness, since much of the psychoanalysis Ben receives seems to come from himself through the lens of his fictional creation, Georgie. The book features an almost claustrophobic amount of of navel-gazing, which may be intentional. At times, the reading experience leaves no doubt as to how the book's main character could drive himself crazy with his recursive, obsessive self-examination.
Ben and Georgie have an interesting and nuanced relationship. At times Ben seems completely unable to control his double while simultaneously being one with him. He often reassures himself that his creation is the inferior man, citing Georgie's pumpkin-like body as the reason that nobody will ever want him. On the other hand, of the two of them, Georgie seems to have the more active love life. Ben reaches for emotional intimacy through relationship after relationship, but his illness, issues with women, and physical demands--the Georgie in him--constantly hamper his progress.
As the narrator, Ben's point of view colors all of the other characters. Several of these, in addition to Georgie, are or may be fictional, mere expressions of Ben's illness. This is especially true of the women in Ben's life. There are comparatively very few men in this story, but the women are usually of a seductive and even predatory type. Ben aggressively sizes up the ladies he knows, from his girlfriends to his therapist, in terms of their attractiveness, perhaps in an attempt to balance the scales, since in his own perception, women are domineering copies of his own terrifying mother. Part of Ben's evolution is to move toward a valuing of women beyond his mother issues, a satisfying direction for this character to travel.
Living Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride that ends on a hopeful note. It may interest fans of Charles Bukowski and Tom Robbins.
ANNA CALL (November 19, 2015)
-- Foreword Clarion Reviews
This short novel by New Mexico writer Jonathan Harnisch features the same urgent anguish—and the same disturbing characters—as the author’s 803-page, semi-autobiographical rampage through sexual obsession, schizophrenia and healing, Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography. Good news: Living Colorful Beauty stands on its own, serving as a vivid introduction to this gifted, if flawed, writer’s teeming mind.
In 30-year-old Benjamin J. Schreiber, who suffers (like Harnisch) from schizoaffective disorder and Tourette’s Syndrome, the author has created a brilliant and memorable psychotic. In reckless Georgie Gust, he delivers a convincing alter-ego to whom Ben can transfer “my confessionary details, my sins, my fetishes.” As in Alibiography, their destructive common fantasy is the cruel, manipulative siren Claudia Nesbitt. Their possible salvation? An insightful shrink called Dr. C.
Once again, Harnisch’s prose is simultaneously original and confusing: ”the words in my head have turned to salad,” Ben tells us, but “my imagination’s on fire.” Careening between New York and Southern California, and even more wildly between the searing traumas of Ben’s childhood and the perilous uncertainties of his present, the narrative reveals a tormented soul who is “merely a spy, an observer, into the world of my hallucinations” but who can sometimes make peace with his demons. “Let me lose my mind,” Ben muses. “Fuck it. I’m going out for a walk on the beach. The beach is a block away. The voices in my head are raging. They’re calling me a winner.”
For Harnisch, who playfully calls himself “the king of mental illness,” writing fiction is clearly therapeutic. An editor character tells Ben: “The problem though is that your reader cannot possibly follow your train of thought,” and that’s often our problem, too. But the authenticity of Harnisch’s voice bursts through the tangles and repetitions of his language. He’s the real thing.
-- BlueInk Review
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19
Dec

SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT THEY MATTER VIA JONATHAN HARNISCH FACEBOOK PAGE

SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT THEY MATTER. They are loved. They have a future. You can tell them. This could be you. This could be me, somebody struggling with a mental health condition or not. Please reach out today, no matter the outcome. Just send a text, give them a call, and write him or her a note by email. You get what I'm saying, right? Just for today, if you would, I invite you just to say hello, ask about them. Have a conversation if you can. No expectations, just the tiniest random act of kindness. It will make a difference. You may not be able to fix them. Just give it a shot if you would. It would mean a lot to me, personally, if you did. I'm home now from the hospital, and I must say it's quite a readjustment, even after just three days away in the intensive care unit. Thank you for all your supportive comments. This page is meant for some, not all. The door is always open to come or go. I just do what I do, of course, sometimes knowing.  I do not necessarily practice what I preach. Just the whole thing about what many of you call being honest, and therefore inspiring. I do not agree. I am not honest. Nor, inspiring. All of my work, and I mean, all, is for me. This stuff helps me. Of course, I am glad it helps you sometimes. I just need to do all of this, whether it's writing a post like Dear life, you suck," or "today is a good day to have a great day." I don't know what I am doing. I don't think anyone does. OK, here's what I am saying just as it come into my head, that it's like a road trip. You plan it out and use a map and stay on course. You have fun. Students, a detour comes. You get off track and lose your sense of direction. You with me, it might not be coming out the right way, but I think you follow me, I don't know, and no matter. So, on this hypothetical road trip, you get lost, essentially, and the trip turns into a whole new unplanned experience, in a while new way. It ends. You're back home. And it's over. Al that's left are the memories. I could go on and on. Just stay strong guys, and all that. We are ALL fighting some battle... Again, I could go on and on, really but I won't, I just won't Not right now at least. Maybe in 10 minutes. I just don't know. That might be the whole message in this little mini early morning writing session. WE don't know. Etc., etc., take it or leave it. By the way, the 4th day without a cigarette, just a set of electronic cigarettes. Extremely limited liquid intake, caffeine, etc., time to chill out a bit, if I can. Of course, no need to apologize, but forgive my typos and other unedited writing pet peeves I have. Life’s tough. It’s OK. Thanks. —J.

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19
Dec

SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT THEY MATTER VIA JONATHAN HARNISCH FACEBOOK PAGE

SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT THEY MATTER. They are loved. They have a future. You can tell them. This could be you. This could be me, somebody struggling with a mental health condition or not. Please reach out today, no matter the outcome. Just send a text, give them a call, and write him or her a note by email. You get what I'm saying, right? Just for today, if you would, I invite you just to say hello, ask about them. Have a conversation if you can. No expectations, just the tiniest random act of kindness. It will make a difference. You may not be able to fix them. Just give it a shot if you would. It would mean a lot to me, personally, if you did. I'm home now from the hospital, and I must say it's quite a readjustment, even after just three days away in the intensive care unit. Thank you for all your supportive comments. This page is meant for some, not all. The door is always open to come or go. I just do what I do, of course, sometimes knowing.  I do not necessarily practice what I preach. Just the whole thing about what many of you call being honest, and therefore inspiring. I do not agree. I am not honest. Nor, inspiring. All of my work, and I mean, all, is for me. This stuff helps me. Of course, I am glad it helps you sometimes. I just need to do all of this, whether it's writing a post like Dear life, you suck," or "today is a good day to have a great day." I don't know what I am doing. I don't think anyone does. OK, here's what I am saying just as it come into my head, that it's like a road trip. You plan it out and use a map and stay on course. You have fun. Students, a detour comes. You get off track and lose your sense of direction. You with me, it might not be coming out the right way but I think you follow me, I don't know, and no matter. So, on this hypothetical road trip, you get lost, essentially, and the trip turns into a whole new unplanned experience, in a while new way. It ends. You're back home. And it's over. Al that's left are the memories. I could go on and on. Just stay strong guys, and all that. We are ALL fighting some battle... Again, I could go on and on, really but I won't, I just won't Not right now at least. Maybe in 10 minutes. I just don't know. That might be the whole message in this little mini early morning writing session. WE don't know. Etc., etc., take it or leave it. By the way, the 4th day without a cigarette, just a set of electronic cigarettes. Extremely limited liquid intake, caffeine etc., time to chill out a bit, if I can. Of course no need to apologize but forgive my typos and other unedited writing pet peeves I have. Life’s tough. It’s OK. Thanks. —J.

16
Dec

Jonathan Harnisch: Additional Diagnosis | Diabetes Insipidus | Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Update 6:26 AM

Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Update: 6:26 AM I just received some additional news regarding my health. Indeed, it's been confirmed I do have diabetes insipidus. Outward Bound! Text from my wife: "Honey, I'm sorry you worried so much. What I wanted to tell you is that the pharmacy called, [the doctor] ordered desmopressin, the medication for diabetes insipidus (DI), which indicates that you have that. However, the pharmacy is out of desmopressin. (DI) is not a common disorder) and it won't be in until Monday. I will call [the doctor] later today and see where we go from here."

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16
Dec

Life Reflection

Sometimes I can't believe how much I have accomplished in my life more or just getting by every day given my severe health limitations. I'm beginning to see the light, ceasing to care anymore whom I please or what anybody has to say about me. Therefore, I am beginning to be able to produce the best work I am capable of living with terminal illness. My specialty care doctor said something to the effect of, "Jonathan, it is a wonder how you had even done a thing much less get up and be alive, literally, for the past 20 years or so, when all of this started." I provided her the medical records I dug up, proving I had the rare terminal illness that I do since I was born. To be more precise, I was even born with it. I was a stillborn, for three days with no natural breath, and no natural heartbeat, just a life support system, maintaining any possible life inside me, and 40 years later, I hope (I turn 40 in less than a month) I happened to survive.  
 — Jonathan Harnisch
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16
Dec

On Living and Dying Well | Reflecting on Progress

Voice recording on  Wednesday, December 16, 2015, 4:46 AM

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16
Dec

Jonathan Harnisch | In Review | Therapy Session

Here's the gist of what my cognitive behavioral therapy psychologist and I discussed during today’s appointment. –Jonathan Harnisch

Notes from my doctor:

I noticed how much more at ease you appeared after things seemed copacetic with everyone.  You stated, "Well, things are not ok, but my attitude is ok."   That really got me thinking about the power of our perceptions- and the impact that they can have.   I then thought we should discuss the pros and cons of chaos vs. calm.   I understand you have some strong feelings about chaos and calm- and I thought a practical analysis of this would be beneficial.  

This all then led me to think, "Jonathan has a pretty nice set-up.  If we could figure out a way for him to sit back and accept more things- maybe he'd be happier and more at peace overall!"  Again, I bring all this up b/c you end up suffering more than anyone when things get overwhelming. 

I brought up that the "forest"- the big picture- is one in which your father set up a trust.   As far as I understand it- the trust is intended to support you with a very decent lifestyle for as long as you live.   That includes the property, all the necessities, and all of the money you get biweekly and for the holidays.  

I think you have ended up hyper-vigilant about the "trees"- the details- because you believe you should be getting more than what's being provided to you.   From what you've described, this goes back to not getting the financial recognition for your ideas, not being provided nearly as much money as you believe you are worth, and not having as much freedom to do what you want with your money as you'd like.  I also believe your traumatic experiences have a lot to do with this, and the fact that people have taken advantage of you in the past.

In addition, I think there are real things that occur daily that may be frustrating.   So- when you identify a "tree" that bothers you- I think there's often some truth to it!   I do not think many of these things are delusional!   But rather the type of cognitive distortions that all human beings deal with.

So- what does this all mean?   Well, I guess it all comes down to strategy.   It reminded me of that gamble in which you can take a high-risk  (e.g. 1/100) chance to get 1 billion dollars or nothing, OR no risk and a guarantee to receive 10 million.    I feel like all the frustration and anger you feel, and the resultant behaviors, have essentially led you in the direction of taking the high-risk chance- instead of just accepting the 10 million.   

I understand this may not seem fair, and I am certainly not one to suggest someone just settle for less.  But, I feel like the focus on the trees ends up upsetting you over and over again- and then everyone else around you.   And the ultimate consequences of only focusing on the trees could be a lot worse than the guaranteed- no risk- "compromise."   The fact is- we are all really trying to set things up so you can indefinitely live on the compound and enjoy life as much as possible.   But- there could be a point in which we can't sustain what you may need.   When you focus on the trees, it exacerbates this.  I've discussed my limitations, regarding being a sole practitioner with a full practice.   And your wife is tasked with managing quite a bit. We want to help- but cannot provide an infinite source of support.

I likened the whole thing to accepting you'll never be allowed to purchase a Ferrari- but have to "settle" for a top-of-the-line BMW.  (And you pointed out: at least it wasn't a Honda Civic.)  It's not ideal- but swinging for the fences may just not be practical all the time.

I really believe we would all rather have you feel healthy, and be thinking clearly, and handling your own resources.   But, because of the circumstances, we are tasked with being the board members to your CEO role.   We are happy to do it- for as long as we can.   But let's try to focus on the forest- and not the trees!

I hope this all makes sense.   We can discuss as much or as little of this as you'd like- whenever you'd like! 

Hope to see you on Tuesday at noon! 

… Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other to once again paraphrase Jerry Springer! —Jonathan Harnisch

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15
Dec

ON THE BUS ON TV

ON THE BUS ON TV
I invite you to watch the last rerun of my Academy Award (Oscar®) qualifying short film, the noted award-winning psychological thriller, On the Bus. It plays live on prime time TV with me, for the first time this weekend! It is now live on Vimeo Pro as well. I am so proud! Wax showed twice that day and On the Bus aired 3 times, along with yet another television show I did, also on frequent reruns. If a schizophrenic can do it, anyone can! THANK YOU! —Jonathan Harnisch smile emoticon
‘Award-winning executive producer and screenwriter, Jonathan Harnisch's first viewing, reaction and commentary of his Academy Award (Oscar®) Qualifying psychological thriller, On the Bus on live on DIRECTV®.’
Distributed worldwide by Shorts International. In the vein of Christopher Nolan’s MEMENTO comes ON THE BUS (2015) Fat Man Media’s psychological thriller about the experiences of Larry (Mark Schrier), a mentally disturbed man, who rides a bus and bothers passengers based on recent circumstances in his life. The film’s surprise ending startles the audience and ties the fragmented story together to a dramatic conclusion. Harnisch's WAX & ON THE BUS TV channels available w/ AT&T HD PREMIER TIER PACKAGE and can be viewed on Channel 1789. Otherwise DIRECTV® HD EXTRA PACK and can be viewed on Channel 568.
About Jonathan Harnisch:
Initially diagnosed with depression in 1994 at the age of 18, I was prescribed antidepressants, including the newest of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Unfortunately, these triggered mania, and to combat this, I began to drink, which intensified my psychological instability and led to an addiction that I was finally able to overcome when I was 26.
However, as difficult as the disorders have been, in many ways, I have been blessed. Many call me a gifted artist, and I have frequently used my art to exorcise my own demons of isolation and loneliness. In 1998, I dramatized those issues in my award-winning film, Ten Years, which I produced, directed, and wrote while attending NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts.
In 2008, I once again dramatized those themes of isolation and loneliness in another award-winning film, On the Bus, which, in addition, explores the horrors and chaos of mental illness. Through the eyes of the main character Larry, we see the uncontrollable, tumultuous symptoms of schizophrenia and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as brought on by a random act of violence.
A single act of violence rarely causes severe mental illness. Current research indicates that such illness is generally a result of a genetic predisposition combined with environmental factors. My case would seem to validate that research, as there is a history of mental illness in my family, and I have suffered repeated trauma. Whatever the genesis, beginning in 2009 and culminating in the summer of 2010, I experienced a severe psychotic episode that manifested in inappropriate, violent outbursts and regnant destructive behavior. Ultimately, however, this episode brought me the help I needed, including a comprehensive psychological work-up that provided an accurate diagnosis and the right medication. Now, psychologically stable, I invite others to behold my candid daily encounters with the symptoms of schizophrenia.
In the past, I have been known to willingly and genuinely share my life. In the same vein as prolific figures such as Elyn R. Saks, Kay Redfield Jamison, and Oliver Sacks, I continue to illustrate my personal ongoing struggle with chronic mental illness nurturing truth, acceptance, fiction, transgression, and community.
My art, imagination, and various creative outlets are simply my own catalysts for continuous resiliency and recovery. With the launch of my now former and viral website (as of December 2013), I had turned another engaging and uplifting page of my story. I hoped to impact others in some way through my publicized journey of how one individual copes with the perpetual rollercoaster of the experiences living with schizophrenia and Tourette’s syndrome, some material stranger than fiction.
I consider myself a still-recovering schizophrenic, an accomplished writer, producer, and musician, who writes about mental illness and New Age ideas and treatments, and again a darker side, a much darker side, to which you will likely bear witness. Alas, my Alibiography.
— Jonathan Harnisch

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15
Dec

Tuesday, December 15, 2015, 5:00 a.m. Email updates from from Jonathan Harnisch to Medical Team

Tuesday, December 15, 2015, 5:00 a.m. Email update from my perspective: Dr. K. (cognitive behavioral psychologist): CC Dr. F (medical doctor, schizophrenia), and M. (wife): See you at noon (or so)! We're on! :) Note: Physical health is becoming of concern. Maureen has detailed better explained than me. Plus, to be honest, it is personally terrifying. I want you to know that. Compassion appreciated gentleness, etc., “bedside manner,” if you will). But doing all I can, succeeding so far. Not too much set in stone, yet, (ongoing). Sodium levels, as far as I see, though my work w/ diabetes did improve the A1C, will see a dermatologist for yet another new hopefully benign growth on back, blood (sodium levels) drastically in decline causing a great deal, if not most, of my cognitive decline over the years. Barely any memory left, lost, confused, and so forth. M can fill you in w/ detail (might be a good idea), but I hope we can once again focus session today on the task at hand. Please keep in mind cognition is dramatically worse even since Thursday, we’re taking care of it, scary but it feels a bit like Alzheimer's (it is not, I just mean the symptoms/cognition). I might not be able to track you at all in session; additional medications will likely improve thirst and urine matter rather quickly, within days. Physical (sodium/blood) possibility of diabetes insipidus (and there are two kinds of diabetes insipidus, apparently, still learning. Saw specialty doctor yesterday, and will have another fasting blood test early this morning for additional screenings, which may not return results for a bit lot longer than most common tests, as I can interpret the doctor visit yesterday, with my wife. I was proactive, also with otter life things, going out, on my own, taking care of things that I have not been able to the past few years, just still, of course not driving myself. Back to blood levels, today and upcoming, in addition to my request for cancer screening, specifically white blood cell test of some kind, which apparently seems fine on current test results, but more to come, and therefore treat. I have not been scared. "Lost," with thoughts, memories right in front of me. I just can't reach them. That is how it all feels; then I believe lungs and heart have some matters of concern, cigarette smoking drastic increase to 4-5 packs/daily, stress, again terrifying, maintaining as much resilience as I can through the terror otherwise. One thing at a time. There is as you might see, a lot going on, medically, medication, additions, and likely changes; too, trial and error stuff Furthermore more changes to occur until we figure out what is going on.  My art is keeping me as well as I am, with mood flux and also as I mentioned successfully Back on Latuda, day three, now without nausea, with or without food, go figure! All we know communicated most simply is physical causing the rapid mental decline, the worst case, of course, is ICU but all OK enough, for now, and I am getting the medical assistance I need. Just to mention that as cancer gets compassion/"acceptance" (session/s) good to know physical causing a great deal of mental. Reassures me, lastly please be gentle as you are by natural. Even if I didn't complete a thought above, the immediate point is I will be ready to see you at noon. I'll be here! P.S. Thx for review. Thx! —J.

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14
Dec

Late Night Thoughts | Jonathan Harnisch | Facebook

Late Night Thoughts | Jonathan Harnisch | Facebook: December 7th, 2015: I feel so indebted to all of you, even to those who leave this Facebook page. Many of you have written suggesting that I may perhaps appear to be exhausted and in need of relaxation rest and some time off. I plan on doing so whether or not I end up succeeding in taking time off to face the universe, literally, completely and devastatingly alone. I look into the mirror every day lately, and I see a complete sleepless and lost stranger in myself and others in my "real" interpersonal life and conventionally accepted life itself. I've been battling severe comorbid schizophrenia and related psychotic and dissociative mental health conditions for most of my life now as well as otherwise "normal" life issues and so forth. I feel that it might be time for me to submit perhaps surrender and allow my mental and physical health conditions to take over my life experiences, permitting me to live a great deal more if not fully in my otherwise delusional and hallucinatory landscape in the world where I am most familiar and comfortable. Thank you for understanding, if you do. Overall, I am exhausted and need some time off. Thank you, everybody, I feel much better having written out these feelings, otherwise feeling abandoned in the overall enterprise at the same time neglected and abused controlled cornered trapped and stuck. -Jonathan Harnisch | Sent from my iPhone

Late Night Thoughts | Jonathan Harnisch | Facebook: December 13thth, 2015: Need time to think and work on some art projects. Want to get cut off from the world. Just want to be alone for a bit. This morning I have an important medical appointment for some blood conditions I endured over the last couple years but still surviving, I'd rather not go into detail about it. It's just scary. I am trying to hold onto the saying that most things we worry about don't happen, in other words, to hear bad news. I've done all I can since the last doctor's visit for the problem. I'll just say that it is potentially life threatening. But... I will end it there. It's just a bit scary, so I am cutting up some random and old film stock here in my production office for the time being to bring back memories from when I began shooting film on Super 8 and some early video, documenting my life. Feels nostalgic to see some of the footage after 20, 30 years. Sometimes I just miss certain parts of times past. But I'll be around. Just so happy I went in and on my own, for the first time ever in public otherwise overwhelmed by all the people and lights at the Apple Store to finally get my main computer fixed after months and months using an iPhone as my desktop. It's so weird knowing I have been given  a likelihood of 5 or so years left to live. Really makes you think, and cry. But I look at the world in a whole different way, just in case, you know? But I am not upset about it. I don't know quite why. I invited my father out to visit the other day, as well. We've been estranged since 2010. I am also giving away some of my expensive gadgets and things, like my huge top of the line 3D TV, to some of the staff here on my compound for the holidays. I mean, I don't need them. I like them, but I've worked hard this year and actually made enough money on my own, and not even as much from book sales, and film/TV checks from my distributor, but from Wall Street, my main career, technically as a hedge fund manager, like my father, just on a smaller scale, of course. By the way, regarding my last post, I am aware that 12,000 or so American's have died this year from gun violence, I didn't mean to cause any controversy. I don't know.
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